4 Day Decision Retreat: Advisor’s Guide Day by Day
Start-up Checklist:
4 DAY DECISION RETREAT BOOK
ADVISOR’S RETREAT GUIDE - [ONLINE VIEW] OR [FORMATTED FOR PRINTING] AND [HOW TO PRINT IN_HOUSE]
Contains the daily meditation passages. Otherwise, it’s the same content as candidate’s
CANDIDATE’S RETREAT GUIDE - [ONLINE VIEW] OR [FORMATTED FOR PRINTING] AND [HOW TO PRINT IN_HOUSE]
The primary resources for this retreat are the Retreat Guides (one for the candidate, one for you) and a Bible. The Guide contains relevant excerpts from the Spiritual Exercises, as well as directions for the daily meditations and other activities the candidate will be expected to do. Each day has a specific grace the candidate is encouraged to ask for. The daily meditation passages are only found in the Advisor’s Guide, so you’ll need to provide them for the candidate. Below you’ll find the meditation passages along with content commentaries to fill out the vision for each day of the Decision Retreat. Use these in combination with your Advisor’s edition of the Retreat Guide.
CONTENTS
DECISION RETREAT - 4 DAYS
Day 1 of 4 Day Retreat, first full day or evening
Description: The first meeting provides the candidate with a general overview and orientation to the retreat. The purpose is to explain the “how” and “when” of prayer, but only a small part of the “what.”
Preparation Points
There are several sections in their Retreat Guide booklet they’ll need to read at the start of their retreat before they begin praying. These address practical and spiritual aspects of the coming days. Your own familiarity with the material will be necessary to address any questions that arise. Specific practices or approaches may require modification based on your knowledge of the needs and abilities of the candidate.
Steps to Decision: Receptivity I. For days 1 and 2 of the 4 day retreat, the step the candidate is taking is called “Receptivity.” The aim of these days is to transition the candidate from distraction to recollection by reminding them of God’s goodness and mercy. The fruit of these days, we hope, is a growing trust in the Lord and his will.
Meeting Agenda
This meeting is an orientation for the retreat. There’s a lot to cover, so it might make sense to allow more than an hour, depending on availability. Also, be ready to answer follow-up texts/emails later in the day. Some details may not be adequately communicated, and the candidate may seek further clarifications.
a. Set a relaxed tone. This could be a fairly new experience for the candidate, which can lead to anxiety. They may also be concerned about results. Do what you can to encourage an approach that is purposeful, yes, but also peaceful. God, we all need reminding, is the real Retreat Master. In other words, let the candidate know that the success of this retreat is in God’s hands. “We’ll do our part, but we’re not going to try to make something happen. If we’re both open and prayerful, we trust that God will do the rest.”
b. HOW: Look through Retreat Guide booklet together. Confirm they have everything they need. Look over the introductory readings for Day 1. These are:
i. Preparation for Prayer – Describe the practice of meditation and refer them to Section 2 in the booklet. This will explain how to go about praying through the particular meditations.
ii. Consolations/Desolations and Spiritual Exercises #’s 5, 15 and 20 – To ground the retreat in the Ignatian pattern, the candidate will read Section 6 on Consolations and Desolations as well as select paragraphs from Ignatius’ own introduction to the Spiritual Exercises (#’s 5, 15 and 20), which are very practical and aimed at creating the necessary space to focus on this time of retreat. All of this is found in the booklet.
iii. Meeting with Your Advisor – Point out Section 4 and help them see the reasons for focusing on spiritual consolations. Explain that insights coming from the daily meditations, though these can be very good, are not the primary goal. We’re looking for those times in our prayer when it seems the Lord moves in the soul. This may come as a personal insight, but it may also be an emotional response. It might be very gentle, since the Lord speaks with a “still, small voice” (1 Kings 19:11-13). Ease any fears that they need to “come up with something” for your daily meetings. Express faith that this is the Lord’s work, so we do our part, but we also wait on him.
iv. Advisor’s discretion – Highlight any other parts of the booklet you think are important (for example, the purpose of Repetition in Section 3).
c. WHEN: Finalize daily schedule and meeting. Work out a pattern for their daily meditations and readings.
i. Using the schedule pages provided in the front of the Retreat Guide, agree on a daily pattern. In particular, decide how to connect with the prayer schedule of the retreat house, monastery or convent (if applicable). If the location offers no prayer schedule, work out a pattern for breaking up the day (for example, daily Mass is highly recommended).
ii. Confirm daily meeting pattern. If you, the Advisor will be off-site, will you connect by video or phone call? Who calls whom? How long for each meeting?
d. “Did you bring your Prep document?” Confirm they have their completed Decision Retreat Preparation worksheet with them, but also encourage them to set it aside for the first part of the retreat. We’ll come back to it later.
e. If the candidate is only able to start in the evening… You’ll need to reduce the number of meditations for the first day (probably one scripture passage is all they can do when combined with the other introductory exercises). Prayerfully decide which passage is best suited to the candidate. However, make sure they review all the preparatory texts in the booklet, especially the descriptions of Ignatian prayer practices. Be ready for anything. The candidate may experience difficulties prior to the retreat and might arrive in a distracted state. Balance sensibility with purpose as you get them up to speed.
f. Major blessings exercise. If at all possible, don’t omit the final meditation. The writing of a personal spiritual “diary” is especially powerful to put the candidate’s life in perspective. Seeing God’s goodness over many years is often a turning point for someone learning to trust God more deeply.
g. WHAT: Don’t forget to give the candidate the meditation passages. Provide the meditation passages for both Day 1 and Day 2 of their retreat (if you won’t meet again until late afternoon of Day 2).
DAY 1 (if it will only be an evening, choose 1 passage. Tip: Mt. 11 is a good option).
Meditation 1: Isaiah 55:1-11
(And/or) Meditation 2: Matthew 11:28-30
Final Meditation: Most blessed experiences journaling exercise
DAY 2
Meditation 1: Isaiah 43: 1-7
Meditation 2: Matthew 14: 22-32
Meditation 3: John 15: 9-17
Meditation 4: Hosea 11:1-11
Remind them to stick to the day’s meditations and not read or skip ahead. For this reason, refrain from giving the meditation passages more than a day in advance.
Day 1 Content Commentary
GRACE for the DAY: (from booklet) I ask the Lord to grant me a prayerful heart, open, generous, listening, believing, peaceful yet longing for the living God.
GOALS for the DAY: In addition to the meditations, candidate to read Section 2 – Preparation for Prayer Guide; Section 4 – Meeting with Your Advisor; Section 5 – Spiritual Exercises excerpts #’s 5, 15, 20 (but not 25) in book; Section 6 – Consolations and Desolations; Section 9 – Disordered Attachments
ADVISOR BE AWARE: The explanations provided below for each meditation (“Why this passage?”) are for your assistance, but should not be applied in an overly restrictive way. The Lord will use the meditations to bring up insights and questions that may or may not align with the stated intention of the material. As the candidate shares their notes about various passages, use your discretion and prayerfully ask, “Lord, is this direction coming from you? What are you saying to us here?”
Meditation 1: Isaiah 55:1-11: All you who are thirsty, come to the water!
Why this passage? God’s abundant provision and faithfulness is the focus of this meditation. In the form of an invitation to seek the Lord, it sets a tone of expectation and trust, countering the fear that “God only wants to take things away from me.”
(And/Or) Meditation 2: Matthew 11:28-30: For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.
Why this passage? The Lord’s yoke is light not burdensome. Again in the form of an invitation, the words of Scripture offer the candidate a window on the nature of this God who guides – not harshly demanding but gentle and humble.
Day’s Final Meditation (do this whether the first day is a full day or just an evening): Write out (1) Most blessed experiences of my entire life, (2) major blessings and (3) major temptations and personal failings of this past year.
Why this activity? Early in the retreat, we want to provide the candidate an opportunity to consider their life from a “big picture” perspective. The purpose is to stir up both gratitude at God’s provision and awareness of times and places where the candidate has not reciprocated the Lord’s generosity. This is often a very powerful and blessed time of reflection. The tone is not heavy or guilt-inducing, but should land more firmly on the goodness of God and the desire to respond well to his many blessings.
DECISION RETREAT - 4 DAYS
Day 2 of 4 Day Retreat
Description: The second meeting allows for an initial assessment of how the candidate is entering into the retreat, especially how well they understand this particular approach to prayer and meditation based on the Spiritual Exercises. You may need to make adjustments to the schedule if it seems the candidate is having difficulties.
Steps to Decision: “Receptivity” continues and grows for a second day.
Meeting agenda
Generally, it’s best to retain the pattern of your Novena meetings while the candidate is on retreat. If it was customary to pray at the beginning or end, for example, keep the same structure for the sake of continuity.
a. Use the Meditations as Your Primary Points of Navigation. The meditations and the grace for each day are the main material to be considered during your meetings (see retreat booklet). Begin with a general invitation: Does anything stand out to you from the meditations you’ve done so far that you’d like to share? Sometimes, this is all that’s needed to launch the discussion. Other times, though, you may need to walk deliberately through each meditation asking, “What movements did you experience as you prayed with this?” They might need help recognizing spiritual consolations, especially if it seems they’re expecting strong emotions or experiences. Most consolations are gentle and humble, like our Lord.
b. Listen and Reflect. Questions for you to consider during the meeting: Do you see evidence that these meditations are bearing the right kind of fruit in the candidate? It’s not always clear, but knowing the candidate well by this point in the Novena, you can judge whether they’re making good progress or struggling and needing more help and guidance. The content commentaries at the end of each day’s meeting agenda (below) are provided to help you with these assessments.
c. “My life’s blessed experiences.” There may be much the candidate wants to share from this activity, but there also may be something of a writer’s block. Consider how freely they are able to express gratitude and acknowledge the good things they’ve received from God. If writing isn’t their thing, you can encourage them to speak their thoughts in your meeting. Notice if they focus more on the blessings or on the failures of the past year. This can give you a better idea of their frame of mind: generally positive or generally negative?
d. Knowing our role. There is always the subtle temptation for those of us who serve as spiritual guides to think the success of the retreat is “on me.” A good way to prevent this is to be clear about your role. You’re helping the candidate hear God. Much of what you’ll do is ask questions that invite self-reflection. You’ll also offer your prayerful opinion about whether a particular insight or consolation is authentic – coming from God – or misleading – coming from merely human thinking or from the flesh or (it’s not rare) from the devil. In general we look for the fruit: does the movement prompted by the consolation lead to greater faith, hope and love, deeper remorse for sin, and a firm desire to follow God faithfully? All good signs! Conversely, things that indicate an origin other than God are darkness (lack of clarity), doubt (lack of trust) and confusion (lack of peace). When we perceive restlessness and agitation in the candidate, it’s appropriate to say so. “I notice you’re out of peace. Can you say more about what you’re experiencing?” Always we have recourse to prayer, asking God to make clear what is and is not from him.
e. Pay particular attention to their spiritual disposition in this initial stage.
Do they seem peaceful, open and responsive as they engage with the material?
Does it appear that they are experiencing the Lord and hearing from him?
If yes, continue with the meditations as indicated.
If no, ask in order to understand, “What might be causing you difficulty with the meditations?” Make adjustments as necessary and continue praying that the Lord will open avenues of grace wherever needed. Be cautious about changing the meditation content or schedule pattern too soon. Some degree of disconnection and distraction is common and doesn’t necessarily call for strong intervention.
Overall, the purpose of noting their disposition is to prayerfully consider whether the Holy Spirit seems to be bringing them into the right frame of mind for the phase of election. No need to push, but it’s an important part of your role to judge the best time for initiating the decision-making phase.
f. Also note practical needs.
Does the candidate seem to understand how to go about the meditations?
Are the instructions in the booklet clear?
Any troubles so far with the pattern of prayer or the daily schedule?
g. Give them the meditation materials for the next day:
DAY 3
Meditation 1: Isaiah 52:13 through 53: 12
Meditation 2: Philippians 2:5-11
Meditation 3: Matthew 21:33-46
Meditation 4: Readings and reflections (from retreat booklet) including Spiritual Exercises #’s 53 and 54 (p. 25)
2 to 3 am Vigil - Luke 22:39 through 23:56
Day 2 Content Commentary
GRACE for the DAY: (from booklet) Ask for the grace to know God’s unique, powerful, personal, tender, love for me, just as I am, moment by moment, completely unearned.
GOALS for the DAY: In addition to the meditations candidate to read Section 5 – Spiritual Exercises excerpt #25 “First Principle and Foundation” in book; Section 3 – Repetition; Section 7 – Examine; Section 4 – Meeting with Your Advisor.
Meditation 1: Isaiah 43: 1-7 Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: you are mine.
Why this passage? The Lord communicates his faithful love and urges his people to trust courageously. The candidate applies this to her/his own experience of God’s faithfulness to awaken confidence and gratitude.
Meditation 2: Matthew 14: 22-32 Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus.
Why this passage? One more invitation is offered to the candidate, this time by Peter’s example of stepping out in faith. The stormy wind and waves may reflect trials the candidate is facing at the start of this retreat. What does it mean, then, to keep one’s eyes on the Lord?
Meditation 3: John 15: 9-17 It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you...
Why this passage? The Lord has called and chosen us to bear much fruit. We are his friends insofar as we respond to his faithfulness with obedience and love. Does the candidate understand obedience in light of friendship with Jesus or as something more like a duty reflecting a master/slave relationship? What would it look like to trust Jesus more?
Meditation 4: Hosea 11:1-11 My heart is overwhelmed, my pity is stirred.
Why this passage? Through the prophet God speaks of his faithfulness to his people. The candidate doesn’t need to be familiar with the names and places to understand that, despite their many sins, God has faithfully restored his people and brought them back to himself. This gathering in is a reminder that our own sins lead us away from God and yet he always comes after us to bring us back. How has this been the case in the candidate’s life?
DECISION RETREAT - 4 DAYS
Day 3 of 4 Day Retreat
Description: The third day is generally the most spiritually demanding of the retreat. There’s a middle-of-the-night vigil coming up and the tone overall is sober, but not despondent. We grieve for our sins, but not without hope! Ordinarily today is best for the candidate to begin their time of Election, usually in the evening.
Steps to Decision: Repentance and Realization. The third day picks up the pace moving to the step we call “Repentance.” There’s a strong emphasis on the seriousness of sin and its consequences. As the candidate enters the evening portion of the schedule, Christ on the Cross becomes the focus – connecting personal sin with the Lord’s perfect sacrifice. The purpose is “Realization,” to awaken in the candidate a deep awareness of the great cost our Lord was willing to pay for her or his salvation, inviting gratitude. The meditations include an invitation for the candidate to prayerfully consider making a worthy response, which provides a suitable environment for election.
Meeting agenda
God is the only one who can bring conviction of sin in a way that is hopeful and life-giving. Pray that this will be the case as the candidate plunges into some of the most counter-cultural content in the retreat: personal responsibility for sin.
a. Reading on “Sin and Sinfulness.” The article in Section 8 of the book addresses a sort of “mental exemption” often found among modern Catholics. It’s the assumption that one is not a serious sinner unless they’ve committed murder (“I’ve never killed anybody.”) The goal is to overcome the “I’m pretty good; better than most” blindness. If you find the candidate is still struggling to see their own sin and responsibility for the Cross, ask them to consider that the virgin Mary, without sin, still said, “My spirit rejoices in God my savior.” Also, as noted in the article, that sin itself blinds us to sin, so when we’re not aware of major sins (e.g. pride, self-sufficiency, self-centeredness, spiritual complacency) we need the Lord to show us that these are the root of all sin. In other words, even if we haven’t committed the “big” sins, we should be aware that our underlying attitudes, given a different set of life-circumstances, could easily become “big.”
b. Consistencies in Spiritual Consolations. There’s no telling whether/when/how the spiritual consolations that are the key ingredients of discernment will come. For some they will flow freely. For others, not. When consolations are shared, be aware of how these resonate with previous insights and consolations the candidate experienced during the days of the Novena. Does there seem to be a consistent voice and vision running through these spiritual senses? Ask for clarifications, as needed. Point out patterns. Encourage any steps, even baby steps in hearing the Lord.
c. Consolations not always consoling. It’s also worth a reminder here that not all spiritual consolations are necessarily comforting. Sometimes they sting and afflict, as when the candidate becomes aware that God is calling them to make a significant change in their way of living as a Christian.
d. Looking ahead to the 2 am vigil. Ask the candidate if they have any concerns about waking up in the middle of the night. It’s not unusual for a young person to sleep through their alarm, to forget to set it, or to set it wrong (for PM rather than AM). If needed, discuss ways to avoid this (set a second alarm, move the phone across the room, end your meeting with the setting of the phone alarm, etc.).
e. Invite them to revisit their completed Decision Retreat Preparation document “Preparation for making a decision.” This is the ideal window for entering the time of Election. Encourage the candidate to review their completed DRP (Decision Retreat Preparation) document. Invite them to consider, “Does this reflect my current thinking or has anything changed since I filled this out?” The goal is to go into the time of election aware of which way they’re leaning, but not with a fixed direction just yet.
It’s also helpful to recognize any strong emotional reactions on the part of the candidate to the way they “lean.” Serious anxiety or distress could indicate a need for deeper personal reflection (i.e. “What’s going on here?”) or for allowing additional time in their overall discernment journey. It may also simply be a case of “cold feet” – that is, fear of making any major life-altering decision. Again, any agitation may be a sign to you the Advisor that this election phase (recall the rope bridge) can wait until later in the retreat.
f. Time of Election. The time of election begins like this. Invite the candidate to pray specifically for God to guide them in completing the following sentence:
“Regarding the further exploration of a future celibate life-state vocation, I believe the Lord is calling me to (blank).”
Explain that this is a “first answer” that will allow some time for them to test it out/live with it. The “final answer” may emerge relatively soon, or may take some days/weeks after the retreat to become clear.
g. Be prepared. As noted in the introduction for the Decision Retreat, this time of election is often marked by a fear reaction on the part of the candidate. Review the section on “Crossing the Rope Bridge” in preparation. Be on the lookout for any sudden changes you find in their willingness to approach God with receptivity and trust.
h. Give them the meditation materials for the next day:
DAY 4
Meditation 1: Luke 5: 1-11
Meditation 2: Read Section 12 “Making a Decision”
Day 3 Content Commentary
GRACE for the DAY: (from booklet) Ask for a deep feeling of shame before God’s goodness because I see how many have been lost on account of a single sin and how I have been preserved from being lost in spite of my many sins. Let Christ on the cross be my full focus today!
GOALS for the DAY: Candidate reads Section 8 on Sin and Sinfulness.
Meditation 1: Isaiah 52:13 through 53: 12 he was pierced for our sins, crushed for our iniquity... by his wounds we were healed.
Why this passage? The sufferings of Christ are the focus for today. Starting from Isaiah’s suffering servant prophecies the candidate is asked to accompany Jesus through the whole of his passion and death. The purpose is to unite the necessity of Jesus’ dying for “the sin of the world” with the candidate’s own sin. The meditations bring the universal sacrifice of the cross to a personal level, awakening deep sorrow for sin, but also hope and gratitude for God’s mercy.
Meditation 2: Philippians 2:5-11 …he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.
Why this passage? Jesus renounced heaven so that we could attain heaven. He left everything and became nothing so that we might have everything. This divine inversion leads to ultimate exaltation for Christ and calls the candidate to a generous response. “If this is what Christ has done for me, how can I make a worthy and noble response?”
Meditation 3: Matthew 21:33-46 The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone
Why this passage? Two elements are particularly important here. First, the parable illustrates the motives of those who reject God’s kingdom and his Son, plotting his death. This prepares the candidate for the Passion meditation during the upcoming Vigil. Second, it presents us with the full gravity of sin. That unrepented sin leads us ultimately to terrible acts of evil. We are tempted to think our sins are “small” by comparison with the many evils we see in the world. But every sin, insofar as it is a deliberate rejection of God’s kingdom, is an act of rebellion. If such rebellion is allowed to grow through repeated choices against God, we put to death the divine life in our souls.
Meditation 4: Spiritual Exercises #’s 45 to 52 (p. 21f)
Why these meditations? The purpose here is to elicit sorrow by considering the gravity of sin and its terrible consequences in the case of the rebellious angels, of Adam and Eve and finally of one unrepentant sinner. The candidate considers, in each case, the judgment brought to bear against serious sin, freely and knowingly chosen. Most Christians have never considered the possibility of hell. The point is not to impose a heavy obligation through guilt but rather to bridge the horror of sin with the wonder of the cross; to awaken awe at the magnitude of the gift of salvation as well as the great cost – the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ.
Reflect on: #50 “One sin of the angel.”
Reflect on: #51 “One sin of Adam and Eve.”
Reflect on: #52 “One sin of a hypothetical person.”
Read Section 8 – Sin and Sinfulness.
Why this article? As mentioned above, most modern Catholics are unaware of the Church’s teaching about death, judgment, heaven and hell. The purpose of this section is to help a modern mind recognize the reality of sin, the necessity of the cross of Christ, the just demands of God’s judgment and to understand the Biblical story of salvation in light of Catholic doctrine. There is also helpful explanation of the role of angels and demons to aid reflection on “One sin of the angel.”
Evening hours: Repetition and Examen; also…
Return to Spiritual Exercises to read #’s 53 and 54 (p. 25);
Review completed Decision Retreat Preparation document
2 to 3 am Vigil - Meditation on the Passion - Luke 22:39 through 23:56
Why this meditation? This is the turning point of salvation history. Here at the foot of the cross we contemplate the utter rejection and self-emptying our Lord endured to save us from our sin. The candidate knows that Jesus died for the sin of the world, but now it becomes deeply personal: He died for MY sin! Most of us live a comfortable Christianity. We go through life thinking “I’m not so bad” and “nobody’s perfect.” When we seriously consider the cross and its utter necessity for our own salvation, though, we begin to understand that sin is never without consequence. Again, the purpose is not to beat ourselves up with guilt but to break through this quiet complacency that blinds us to the drama of God’s radical generosity and total mercy.
DECISION RETREAT - 4 DAYS
Final Day of 4 Day Retreat
Description. The end of the retreat marks the beginning of a new stage in the candidate’s discernment journey. There should be a decision reached, though the clarity will vary and the days ahead will allow for further confirmation of the proposed direction. As Advisor, be ready to schedule follow-up meetings as needed. The candidate will be encouraged to continue praying and seeking confirmation for their election. Various helps are provided in the booklet to arrive at clarity if uncertainties remain.
Steps to Decision: Response. The final day provides an opportunity to make practical plans for carrying out next steps on the candidate’s decisions. Spiritually, the meditations also address the reality of doubts. In sum, it’s okay to experience doubts, but we should not be obstinate, refusing to trust the results of our discernment or demanding utter clarity.
Meeting agenda
The goal of the final day is authenticity. The purpose is to name and confirm the decision, but also to bring to light anything unresolved for the candidate. We hope to leave with sufficient peace to implement whatever direction the Lord has revealed. Sometimes this goes smoothly and seems effortless, but other times it can prove quite difficult. We accept either way, humbly trusting in the Lord’s plan and provision.
a. What is “Elective Indifference”? St. Ignatius places great value on the candidate being indifferent to the direction the Lord may indicate during discernment. Indifference doesn’t mean, “I don’t care which way this goes” but rather, “I acknowledge that I have preferences, but I don’t want these to be the grounds for my decision.” In general the materials provided in Sections 10 through 13 direct the candidate away from any inclination to take the most desirable path from the perspective of personal comfort or convenience.
b. Weighing Their Decision – First Look. Having reviewed their DRP document, and brought their petition to the Lord in prayer, invite them to express how they feel the Lord asking them to complete the sentence:
“Regarding the further exploration of a future celibate life-state vocation, I believe the Lord is calling me to (blank).”
As you hear their response, try to balance a genuine openness to what they are saying now with a careful attention to what they’ve said in the past. The first optic is clarity: “Have I heard you correctly?” Be willing to ask questions, as needed, to make sure you’ve understood what they’re saying. The second optic is consistency. Inwardly consider this key question:
Does the proposed direction or decision flow consistently from what God has already been saying, especially through spiritual consolations?
If yes, that’s a strong confirmation that it is, in fact, from God.
If no, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it warrants more attention.
A decision that veers from previous directions may be a sign of God breaking through with new and greater clarity. Or it may present a surprising turn that seems inconsistent at first glance, but on further review simply sheds new light on a previous direction. Lastly, it may be fear and doubt on the part of the candidate – that reaction at the brink of the chasm, as mentioned in our illustration of the rope bridge. Whatever the reason, prayer and careful consideration are called for here. When things take an unexpected turn, consider possible motives pro and con that God may be revealing in the candidate. A few examples can help.
Example 1: Probably from God: Grandma’s dying prayer. A young man who has said from the start that he thinks God is calling him to be a priest reaches a crisis point on the retreat. He can’t get any peace about entering seminary. Praying through this inner resistance, it becomes increasingly clear that his sense of a priestly vocation was rooted in a desire to please his much-loved grandmother whose dying prayer was that he would be ordained. As the man allows himself to consider that God might not be calling him to be a priest, he feels enormous relief and a renewed sense of purpose and possibility. His prayer improves noticeably and he experiences spiritual consolations with clear direction.
Verdict: Though the conclusion reached is inconsistent with previous inclinations and even directions, the leading is probably from God. Two things worth noting. First, the outcome may not mean that the man won’t be called later to reconsider the priesthood. It only means that the motive of trying to fulfill his grandmother’s dying wish is probably not the right reason to enter seminary. It’s also worth noting that similar examples could be given of young people who did the opposite of this man. That is, they resisted a vocation to priesthood or religious life because of the spoken expectations of family members. In those cases, peace came with the decision to move forward with further exploration of a celibate call.
Example 2: Probably not from God: Starting Over
A young woman struggles during her Decision Retreat. For the first few days she experiences no spiritual movements and battles restlessness and distraction. One day she comes to you with a sudden sense of clarity and purpose. “I know why I’ve been struggling. I’m supposed to work things out with Derek.” This is the on-again, off-again boyfriend she’s been with for the past three years. The relationship has often veered into unchastity, and it was the desire to be free from the cycle of sin that prompted her to begin a time of discernment in the first place.
Verdict: It’s a good question whether she should have been discerning to begin with, since she hasn’t really let go of her old boyfriend. Though she may not be willing to listen, the fact that the relationship has already been a frequent cause of temptation and sin is a clear sign that the consolation and the direction is probably not from God.
c. The Advisor has freedom here. The blessing of knowing the candidate is particularly valuable at this stage of the Novena. You’ll know best how to support and affirm their decision. If there is lingering uncertainty, you can guide them through a process of deeper reflection (that’s the purpose of Section 13). The Lord can lead in a variety of ways, and the candidate’s reaction will be similarly variable. There may be joy if a decision has been reached along with spiritual consolations that confirm and shed light on the direction. There may be surprise if the direction is unexpected, as in, “I had sort of assumed God would call me over here, but instead it seems clear he’s leading me over there…” As for kinds of conclusions, remember that the Lord may lead the candidate to something other than a life-state vocation. It might be a mission or service opportunity. It could be involvement with a specific Catholic movement (Opus Dei, etc.) that allows for further experience and exploration. It may also be the instruction to continue in their current work situation or to be open to dating. There really is no presupposed result. We let the Lord lead. As you discern “next steps” you may find it helpful to review “What kinds of decisions might they make?” from the Decision Retreat introduction.
d. Dealing with disappointments. There are always unspoken expectations at work in a discernment retreat. Generally the candidate expects certain things and may not be able to recognize them until (applying the Table of Self-Knowledge insights) they experience a strong, negative emotional reaction. Those of us who are familiar with the unpredictability of God’s leadings – how he rarely follows our “script” – can take such things in stride, but the candidate may become agitated or confrontational. As the retreat draws to a close, if something they were expecting doesn’t seem to be happening, you may find yourself under a cloud of accusation: “I thought God/you/this retreat would be able to provide me with more answers.” Rather than becoming defensive, be ready to ask in order to understand. “Can you say more about what you thought would happen on this retreat?” Invite the candidate to bring such disappointments into their next time of prayer; to ask God why these expectations weren’t met. Encourage them to be honest, but also urge them to quiet themselves and listen. God will want to speak into their experience, though he might not answer when or in the way they want.
e. Dealing with the Advisor’s Own Doubts. Sometimes the conclusions reached by the candidate are clear to them, but for you the Advisor, there may be lingering doubts. Generally, you should express your concerns openly and honestly. Resist any pressure, spoken or assumed, to approve of a decision you don’t think is well made. That would negate the point of having an Advisor! However, it’s wise to prayerfully reflect and ask the Lord for clarity about your specific reservations. Reasons for concern could include:
▢ The candidate’s decision doesn’t fit with the overall pattern of the spiritual consolations and senses they’ve expressed during the 99 Days. This may represent a graced moment of clarity, but it may also be a “cold feet” reaction – backing away from a difficult direction.
▢ The conclusion came somewhat abruptly or the candidate’s enthusiasm seems forced or insincere.
▢ The candidate lacks freedom to decide, whether because of strong aversion to one or more possible directions or obsessing over a direction – running through it over and over again but seeming very unresolved about the conclusion.
As you express your concerns, be willing to ask further questions. Avoid a tone that comes across as accusatory, in effect saying, “I think you missed the mark.” The aim is to understand the process by which the candidate reached their decision before raising objections. If you communicate doubts, allow the candidate time to reflect on and respond to your observations.
Expect good things. Any difficulties that arise at the end of the retreat, especially regarding their election, are to be taken in stride. This is a big decision, and struggling with it gives good evidence that the candidate understands the importance of what they’re discerning. An overall positive vision and hopeful expectation in the Lord’s faithful provision is the right tone to set.
f. What next? To “Live As If.” The decision, once made, can provide a backdrop for the candidate in the days and weeks ahead. The idea is to “live as if” the decision is the true direction and to approach their daily life with that optic. Invite the candidate to keep allowing the Lord to speak into the decision – to provide greater clarity and confirmation. Does the decided direction produce peace, a sense of possibility and a satisfying, hopeful view of the future, even if certain specifics remain to be worked out? These are signs of confirmation. Or, conversely, does the direction become increasingly burdensome with a growing sense of dread and confusion for the candidate? The latter doesn’t necessarily mean the direction is wrong, but it does certainly call for exploration, as to where these dark feelings are coming from. This window of time is very valuable and is the primary reason an 8 day retreat is most desirable for discernment.
g. Set expectations for going home. One, as mentioned above, just live with the decision. Also do what you can to avoid telling others about it. Remain attentive to the Lord – even during the trip back (driving, flying, etc.). He wants to continue speaking. Be cautious of second thoughts or dark thoughts “I blew it! This was a complete waste of time!” While you’re on retreat, there’s an anointing and a protection over this place. When you step out from under that protection, don’t be rattled by doubts or spiritual attack.
h. Celebrate! The resolution of the retreat calls for a celebration! Ask the candidate if there’s something they enjoy – some kind of food, for example –Encourage them to go out for that treat and to allow the Lord’s pleasure to be expressed in their enjoyment.
i. Don’t lose momentum. Give the candidate the Decision Resolution worksheet (if you haven’t already) and explain contents. There is an invitation to create something called a Spiritual Life Plan, which is a pattern of personal spiritual practice to commit to in the months ahead. The purpose is to continue the daily habit of prayer they’ve established. The document also offers guidance for those feeling called to a celibate life-state vocation to create an action plan for taking further steps. This avoids any post-Novena acedia that can easily set-in, undermining the fruitful continuation of the direction indicated by the Lord. Both plans will be an important practical outcome for your final meeting.
j. Before they go. Plan a final meeting (or meetings) to discuss next steps and to allow the candidate to live with the decisions and results that have emerged in the course of the retreat and Novena.
Day 4 Content Commentary
GRACE for the DAY: (from booklet) Ask for wisdom to know and courage to do what Christ asks of me on mission.
GOALS for the DAY: Attempt to reach a conclusion on what God is asking of me.
Meditation 1: Luke 5: 1-11 “Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.”
Why this reading? The call of Simon Peter as described in Luke’s Gospel is a vocation story with many potential applications to the candidate’s own discernment. Let the Holy Spirit bring out those elements most enlightening to their own situation. It might be Simon’s amazement or his sudden recognition of his sin and unworthiness. It might be the way Jesus describes his new mission – catching men instead of catching fish. Listen for the Lord’s voice as the candidate explores the scene imaginatively. The question is not primarily “what happened back then?” but “what is the Lord saying now?”
Meditation 2: Read Section 12 “Making a Decision” [Optional to use “Discovering the Lord’s Desires” worksheet].
Why this meditation? Having done the necessary preparation, the candidate can begin to draw some conclusions about the Lord’s call for their life. The specific exercise is not new since it was the subject of Day 84 in the Novena “The Call: Listening with the Mind and Strength.” Now, however, with the days of prayer and the deeper awareness of our Lord’s character, the candidate is in a better place to consider a suitable response. There is no script here and we remain open to the Lord’s interventions, but we also keep an eye out for the enemy’s disruptive ploys. This is war, after all!
Write out conclusions and decisions. The last pages of the Retreat Guide are blank. Invite the candidate to write their conclusions AFTER your last day’s meeting but BEFORE they leave the retreat. This they do apart from filling out the Decision Resolution worksheet, which can be completed in the week following. Encourage the candidate to return to the chapel one last time and use Section 13 to record their decisions and insights as they conclude the retreat.
Why this activity? The candidate will benefit from recording insights while they’re still ‘fresh.’ This includes spiritual senses from this retreat as well as the direction they feel called to pursue. There’s no need to work out specifics yet. This is still “big picture” rather than “what next?” So, a compelling vision is a very desirable result: “I believe God is calling me to educate the young” or “I think God wants me to pursue a life of prayer.” When they fill out the post-retreat worksheet they can consider practical steps.
