Day 53. The Modest Person
The Person in God signifies the relationship in the mode of substance.
Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica
If exposing the body immodestly keeps us from seeing a deeper beauty, what is it? What is the beauty of the body that nakedness makes it harder to see? I have to explain a word here that is commonly spoken but seldom understood. You say it every day yet I doubt you've ever given it much thought. The word is “person.” In common usage, it is a general reference to another human. “He's a nice person.” “I gave that person my seat on the train.” But the word person has a long and significant history that will shed much light on the virtue of modesty. Person comes from the Greek word prosopon for the masks that actors used in classical dramas. No doubt you've seen the familiar image of a smiling and a frowning mask depicting comedy and tragedy - usually on playbills and theater programs. These are prosopons.
The word person was adopted by the early Christians, many of whom were Greek, to describe the mysterious inner life of the Holy Trinity. Looking for a word to characterize the relationship of God the eternal Father, Jesus the co-eternal Son, and the Holy Spirit who proceeds from both the Father and the Son, the Church fathers were led to adopt a modified use of the word person. Father, Son and Holy Spirit are three divine persons – known to us primarily through their relationships – united in one divine nature or essence. This, they declared, is our one God, the Blessed and Holy Trinity. It is the central tenet of our creed, the beating heart of our faith.
A person, therefore, is defined as a being (noun, not verb) in relationship. That means there can never really be only one person. A person, by definition, does not stand alone. A person, unlike an individual, or even a self, must always be in relationship. Therefore, a person always seeks relationship. A person hungers to know another person and in turn to be known by that person. I cannot be self-sufficient. No person is an island, to paraphrase John Donne. By my very essence I am in relationship with another.
You are a person – a being in relationship. Deep down you know this. And you know that there is dignity in personhood. Since personhood involves relationships, you intuitively understand that you deserve a certain level of respect from others. When that respect is not given, you are hurt and angered. If you've ever been used by another person, you know what I mean. Has anyone used you to advance their social standing? To get ahead in business or school? To satisfy their own lust for sexual satisfaction, for power, or for popularity? Your negative reaction to this treatment is based on your awareness that you are a person worthy of respect and consideration.
To use someone for nothing other than my own pleasure or benefit is a violation of his or her person. Even when such using is done without the person's full knowledge (as when a peeping Tom lustfully watches a woman undress through her window). Even when the person gives some measure of consent (as may be true with prostitution or pornography). It is a breach of right relationship and gravely offensive – to the person being used and to God.
I don’t mean that it is wrong to benefit personally from a relationship. Persons can and should experience benefits in all their relationships. But the benefits must be in keeping with human dignity and should be understood by both parties. For example, an employer and an employee can use their business relationship for mutual benefit as long as each understand the goods the other is deriving from the arrangement, and provided that the work they are doing is not contrary to human dignity. All relationships can be beneficial, but the point of any relationship, the purpose, the highest value, must be the benefit of the persons involved.
With this awareness, we can better understand the hidden mystery that modesty conceals. The mystery is the person. My person. My unique, individual, unrepeatable person. Until I am satisfied that the viewer sees my person, I will not reveal my body, my nakedness. Consider the temptation to lust. If one reveals his or her body, one’s sexual values, in a way that invites erotic desire from others, one betrays one’s own person. “Sexual modesty is not a flight from love, but on the contrary the opening of a way towards it.” wrote St. John Paul II, “ The spontaneous need to conceal mere sexual values…is the natural way to the discovery of the value of the person” [1]. Without this necessary concealment, others fall into a trap. In the eye of the beholder, lust is the sin of separating another person’s sexual values from their value as a person and doing so for one’s own gratification. In lust, I take pleasure from the body without recognizing the dignity of the being. I see a tool for pleasure rather than a person to treasure.
But modesty goes deeper than concealing the body. Modesty conceals the soul’s inner sanctuary and reserves it for the One. The modest person evaluates all relationships based on their regard for the One. All openness and access to the deepest “I” is regulated on the basis of the way others respect my primary commitment to the One. The modest person is the one who says, “I will not lay bare my deepest self, my inner secrets, desires, hopes and dreams. They will remain concealed by the veil of modesty and await the approach of one, the One, to whom I choose to reveal and offer myself – my person – completely.” The One I am referring to, of course, is God. But I also use this term to refer to your future, lifelong partner if such is God’s will. He or she is also “the One.” Though the two must never be confused, there is a close connection here. We give ourselves to each. To God, we call this self-gift worship. To our spouse, we call this self-gift marriage.
Let’s take a look at worship first.
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
Pier Giorgio responds: St. Paul says that “the charity of Christ urges us.” Without this flame, which should burn out our personality little by little and blaze only for other people’s griefs, we would not be Christian, let alone Catholic.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, teach me by your example of mercy to open my heart more widely to those in need, especially the poor and the sick. Guide me in extending that mercy both to friends and strangers, to those who love me and those who do not. Help me to reflect God’s own mercy, especially in words and deeds of forgiveness.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is gracious and merciful and just, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (in your own words, ask for the Lord to grant you grace in the struggle for purity of mind and body – especially in the area of chastity)
A Book of Prayers in Honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
A QUOTE TO NOTE
1. Brown and Jones and Robinson
The Holy Trinity is three divine persons in one divine being. Christians are always seeking to understand this central mystery of our faith more deeply. Frank Sheed, a Christian apologist and author, offered this insight into the relationship between nature and person, and then applied it to the Trinity.
If we are aware (in a bad light, say) that there is something in the room, we ask, “What is it?” If we can see that it is a human being, but cannot distinguish the features, we ask, “Who is it?” “What” asks about the nature, “who” asks about the person.
…Applying this…to the being of God, we can say that there is but one divine nature, one answer to the question, “What is God?”, one source of the divine operations. But there are three who totally possess that one nature. To the question, “Who are you?” each of the three could give his own answer, Father or Son or Spirit. But to the question “What are you?” each could but answer “God,” because each totally possesses the one same divine nature, and nature decides what a being is.
…Now for the objection – the commonest of all from the intelligent atheist – that if each of the three persons is God, then there must be three Gods. Perhaps the quickest way to show the fallacy here is to take the phrase “three men.” Brown and Jones and Robinson are three distinct persons each possessing a human nature. So far, as you say, there is a complete parallel. Father, Son and Spirit are three distinct persons, each possessing divine nature.
But observe the difference. Brown and Jones and Robinson each has his own allotment of human nature: Brown does not understand with Jones’ intellect; Jones does not love with Robinson’s will. Each has his own. The phrase “three men,” then, means three distinct persons, each with his own separate human nature, his own separate equipment as man.
The phrase “three Gods” could only mean three distinct persons, each with his own separate divine nature, his own separate equipment as God. But this is not so. They possess one single nature; they do in fact what our three men could not do – they know with the same intellect, love with the same will. They are three persons and each is God; but they are one God not three [2].
How would I answer a baptized believer who said, “I don’t study about the Trinity because, like, it’s all a mystery, right? So, why bother? You’re not going to understand it anyway”?
Have I ever asked God to reveal himself to me more personally as Father, Son and Holy Spirit? If not, I take a moment to pray and ask God to deepen my unique relationship with each person of the Blessed Trinity.
Does anything come to mind as I conclude my prayer?
EXAMINE MY HEART
2. Self-Respect (Just a Little Bit)
My own person is worthy of respect. Do I treat myself that way? Sometimes the Christian notion of “turn the other cheek,” gets misunderstood as the requirement to let ourselves be used by others without objecting. This can feed a poor self-image, or build up resentment so that we accidentally damage our ability to make a gift of ourselves. Do any of these situations sound familiar? How would you handle them?
My “friend” calls me regularly and vents about all the drama going on in his/her life. I fear hurting him/her because of how fragile and wounded he/she is. Ah, I dread these one-sided conversations, but feel awful about saying so! I feel trapped.
❑ This is me. ❑ Can’t relate. Here’s how I’d advise a friend in the same situation to handle this…
When everybody gets together for a beer after work, sooner or later the conversation comes around to my sex-life. Some of the guys can’t figure out why I don’t sleep around and make fun of me. I just laugh along because I don’t really know what to say and I fear looking like an even bigger fool. If I got up and walked out that would pretty much alienate me from my co-workers, so I just grin and bear it.
❑ This is me. ❑ Can’t relate. Here’s how I’d advise a friend in the same situation to handle this…
My boss is a hard-driving task-master with an explosive temper. He stays late and expects the same of his employees. He’s especially scornful of my religious obligations. When I ask to be excused from the Sunday morning program of a weekend conference he goes crazy and says I’m not a team player. I know it’s wrong, but I find myself tempted to not attend mass when we’re at conferences. It’s just so much of a headache to deal with my boss’s anger.
❑ This is me. ❑ Can’t relate. Here’s how I’d advise a friend in the same situation to handle this…
When I got more serious about my faith and stopped getting wasted on weekends, I tried to stay connected with my friends by taking a “judge not” approach to their on-going bad behavior. They know I don’t look down on them for drinking a lot and sometimes I still go out with them as long as I know it’s not going to get too crazy. Unfortunately, this means I’m now “on call” as designated driver for all my partying friends. It’s getting old, especially when they puke in my car. I’d say “enough” but I don’t want this to kill what little remains of our old friendships.
❑ This is me. ❑ Can’t relate. Here’s how I’d advise a friend in the same situation to handle this…
GOING DEEP
3. The Power of Attraction.
As we have learned, modesty conceals certain outward qualities I have – for example, the attractive power of my body or a very beguiling way of speaking – so that others can see something deeper in me. I now know this deeper quality. It is my person. If this sounds abstract, I read the following quotes and circle the one that speaks to me most clearly about this inner quality. At the end of this section I write about a personal experience that relates strongly to the quote I circled.
St. John Paul II
We should… recall here that a human being is a person, a being whose nature is determined by his or her ‘inwardness’. It is therefore necessary to discover and to be attracted by the inner as well as the outer beauty – and perhaps indeed to be more attracted by the former than by the latter. This truth has a very special importance to the love of man and woman, which is, or at any rate ought to be, love between persons. The attraction on which this love is based must originate not just in a reaction to visible and physical beauty, but also in a full and deep appreciation of the beauty of the person [3].
A woman is capable of truly making a gift of herself only if she fully believes in the value of her person and in the value as a person of the man to whom she gives herself. And a man is capable of fully accepting a woman’s gift of herself only if he is fully conscious of the magnitude of the gift – which he cannot be unless he affirms the value of her person. Realization of the value of the gift awakens the need to show gratitude and to reciprocate in ways which would match its value [4].
C.S. Lewis
There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinners--no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbor, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat, the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden.
…It is a serious thing to live in a society of potential gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations [5].
Martin Buber
Man wishes to be confirmed in his being by man, and wishes to have a presence in the being of the other….Secretly and bashfully he watches for a YES which allows him to be and which can come to him only from one human person to another.
I and Thou
My Own Experience. Here (or in my journal) I write about a personal experience that relates well to the quote I circled.
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”
[0] - lead quote - St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica, Part I, Question 29, 4th article. The Divine Persons
[1] St. John Paul/Karol Wojtyla, Love and Responsibility, tr. by H.T. Willetts, San Francisco, Ignatius Press, 1981, p. 179
[2] Frank J. Sheed, Theology for Beginners, Third Edition, Servant Books, Ann Arbor, 1981, pp. 30-31
[3] St. John Paul/Karol Wojtyla, Love and Responsibility, tr. by H.T. Willetts, San Francisco, Ignatius Press, 1981, p. 80
[4] ibid. Love and Responsibility, p. 129
[5] C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, p. 39