Day 55. Only for You
Love binds together people joined by a sacred bond; love binds sacred marriages by chaste affections; love makes the laws which join true friends. O how happy the human race would be, if that love which rules the heavens ruled also your souls!
Boethius
I love weddings. Odd confession coming from a man vowed to celibacy, but it’s true. When I see bride and groom as two people in love making promises that express a complete gift of themselves, one to the other, I am always thrilled. As a campus minister I have many opportunities to witness this nuptial gift and gives me a deep joy – especially when the couple shows a real grasp of the profound unity and self-offering which their “I do” expresses.
What I find especially beautiful in the relationship of bride and groom, wife and husband, is the exclusive love their vows express. The couple makes a covenant of total love that excludes all others. With the vows one spouse says, “Out of all the people on the face of the earth, I choose you alone.” In response the other says, “I also choose you above all others and I give myself exclusively to you.” Young people dream of both giving and receiving this kind of exclusive love. Young people deeply desire to give themselves completely to “the One” whom they choose to be their spouse.
We’ve spent much time considering the structure of the temple. The image is helpful for organizing our understanding relationships, but admittedly it lacks a certain warmth. God understands that we need something more human to grasp.
Throughout the Bible, the intimate relationship between God and his people is described in terms of a marriage. The prophet Isaiah says to the Israelites, “For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name” (Is. 54:5). Hosea beautifully expresses the great tenderness in God’s covenant love, “…I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness; and you shall know the Lord” (Hos. 2:19, 20). The consummation of salvation history is described as the marriage of the Lamb of God, Jesus, and his bride, the Church: “For the wedding day of the Lamb has come, his bride has made herself ready” (Rev. 19:7). This is a nuptial banquet to which every believer is invited. “The Spirit and the bride say, ‘Come.’ Let the hearer say, ‘Come.’ Let the one who thirsts come forward, and the one who wants it receive the gift of life-giving water” (Rev. 22:17).
Are we saying, then, that the communion of God with his people is like the intimacy of marriage? No. That would have it exactly backwards. Rather, the intimacy of marriage is like the communion of God and his people. In the prayers of the Rite we read, “To reveal the plan of your love, you made the union of husband and wife an image of the covenant between you and your people. In the fulfillment of this sacrament, the marriage of Christian man and woman is a sign of the marriage between Christ and the Church” [1]. It’s important to distinguish the sign from the reality. Signs pass away, but the reality endures. God’s intimate union with his people will endure. Marriage will not.
Did you know there’s no marriage in heaven? In response to the Sadducees’ dilemma about who will be married to whom in heaven, Jesus states: “At the resurrection they (the faithful) neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like the angels in heaven” (Mt. 22:30).
If this appears to belittle marriage, it shouldn’t. If it implies that marriage is deficient, you’ve got the wrong idea. Marriage is God’s creative intent for every human person in the world (I’ll clarify this). As part of his original creation, he gives the union of man and woman his unqualified seal of approval: “God looked at everything he had made, and he found it very good” (Gn. 1: 31). The intense joy of the love shared by bride and groom is a sign of God’s pleasure in this matrimonial covenant. The gift of new life that flows from marital intimacy is a participation in the Divine act of creation.
But as good as marriage is, there exists in God’s mind something better. It is something reserved for heaven, though it may be seen on earth. I am speaking of an exclusive union between the human person and God. I’m talking about celibacy for the sake of the kingdom. In heaven, we will all be united to God with a close intimacy that will touch and finally satisfy the deepest longings of our hearts. Some are called to live this supernatural relationship here and now.
I’m going out on a limb here. I need you to be totally honest with yourself. As good as it feels to fall in love, doesn’t something inside tell you that it won’t, in fact, be “happily ever after”? Ask older couples with mature faith. If they’re honest, they’ll admit that although their spouse brings them great joy, they don’t experience total satisfaction.
If you yourself have been in love before, isn’t this true? Doesn’t it seem that there is always something missing? At first the lovers won’t notice it. At first they’re so caught up in the intense feelings that they believe they’re completely satisfied. But have you noticed that for people who fall in love sooner or later the fire fades? The feelings never quite deliver what they promise. Human love always leaves you hungry, leaves you wanting more. What? What more can there be than falling in love?
Think about the lyrics of love songs. Even the most worldly speak of something beyond: paradise (…on the edge of…), eternity (…por siempre, mi amor…) and heaven (we’re knocking on…) [2]. When it comes to human love, the words we pour out as we attempt to express our feelings are often religious. Sacrilege? Sometimes. But not always. Our love yearns for a fulfillment that transcends this life and the relationships of this world. Our love points us toward heaven.
I said before that, in this world, God intends marriage for everybody. Before you discontinue this Novena and line up a date for Friday, I’ll need to clarify. Hold tight until tomorrow.
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
Pier Giorgio responds: St. Paul says that “the charity of Christ urges us.” Without this flame, which should burn out our personality little by little and blaze only for other people’s griefs, we would not be Christian, let alone Catholic.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, teach me by your example of mercy to open my heart more widely to those in need, especially the poor and the sick. Guide me in extending that mercy both to friends and strangers, to those who love me and those who do not. Help me to reflect God’s own mercy, especially in words and deeds of forgiveness.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is gracious and merciful and just, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (in your own words, ask for the Lord to grant you grace in the struggle for purity of mind and body – especially in the area of chastity)
A Book of Prayers in Honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
EXAMINE MY HEART
1. Romantic Dreams
True to your heart, you must be true to your heart. That's when the heavens will part.
Mulan [3].
Which Disney movie romance is most like what I wish love could be? Have I ever imagined experiencing love this way? What are some specifics of my love-dreams?
A QUOTE TO NOTE
2. Fear of Loneliness
Do my dreams of a happy love relationship conceal a deep fear? Am I worried that I’ll never find a companion? If so, the problem is loneliness. Is the solution to jump into a relationship before I’m ready? Probably not, but…what is? The answer is prayer. Here’s one author’s explanation…
An artifact is most accurately defined by the artist who created it. Accordingly, if we want to fully understand an artifact, we must know something of the intention of the artist. The more fully we know the intention of the artist, the more accurately we will understand the artifact. Similarly, if we want to understand reality, we must understand the intention of God, the artist who created this particular artifact. The more fully we know the mind of God, the more accurately we will understand reality. We come to know the mind and intention of God through prayer. Prayer, therefore, is what puts us into contact with the deepest understanding there is of reality. It is prayer that affords us the opportunity to move beyond our fantasies toward truth. Living the truth will make us less lonely.
Ronald Rolheiser [4]
The author claims that “living the truth will make us less lonely.” Do I believe this? Why or why not?
How does fantasy keep me from experiencing authentic relationships – especially when I’m trying to form a deep bond with someone?
Have I ever experienced somebody treating me not as the person I am but as the person they thought (or dreamed) I should be? How did this affect our relationship?
3. Happily Ever After?
C.S. Lewis, a popular Christian author whose works are still timely 70 years after they were first published, has a common sense way of looking at relationships. Consider what he has to say about the fairy tale ending so many people dream about.
Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called “being in love” usually does not last. If the old fairy tale ending “They lived happily ever after” is taken to mean “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,” then it says what probably never was nor ever could be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years?
Mere Christianity [5]
Do I find it easy or hard to believe that true love isn’t the same as that deep “in-love” feeling I’ve dreamed about?
What could be better than being in love in a romantic relationship with a special someone?
Do I honestly believe I could experience something like this? Why or why not?
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”
[0] lead quote - Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, tr. by Richard Green, Macmillan Library of Liberal Arts, New York, 1962, p. 41
[1] Rite of Marriage, no. 33
[2] "Love Me Like You Do" by Ellie Goulding; “Forever My Love” J. Balvin and Ed Sheeran; “Almost Paradise,” by Mike Reno
[3] Mulan, animated motion picture, dir. by Tony Bancroft, Barry Cook, Lynne Southerland, Darrell Rooney, The Walt Disney Company, 1998
[4] Ronald Rolheiser, The Restless Heart, Finding Our Spiritual Home in Times of Loneliness, Image/Doubleday, New York, 2004, p 170
[5] C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, Macmillan Publishing Co., New York, 1978, p. 99