Day 6. A Long Struggle
Vocation Discernment Preliminary Novena
“Am I Ready for Discernment?”
The same night [Jacob] got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had. Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day is breaking.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” So he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying,“For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.”
Genesis 32:22-30 NRSV
I believe that man's greatest hour, in fact his finest fulfillment, is that moment when he has worked his heart out for a good cause and lies exhausted, but victorious, on the field of battle.
Vince Lombardi,
Head coach, Green Bay Packers 1959-1967
“Then some man wrestled with him until the break of dawn” (v. 25). Have you ever tried to wrestle with someone for an extended period of time? It’s very hard. Usually, three minutes is all it takes to exhaust you. It’s hard to imagine even an hour of wrestling. But all night?
Continuing our reflection on the story of Jacob and the angel, we consider the endurance that was required for Jacob to prevail in the struggle. Whatever else we can say about him this much is certain: Jacob had great desire. In order to obtain his brother’s birthright, he plotted for years, tricked Esau and deceived his own father. In order to win the woman he loved, he labored for 14 years! This guy doesn’t give up.
How much desire do you have? How long, how hard are you willing to struggle to discover God’s will? Is 99 days too long for you? There is no guarantee that this will be sufficient. It may take longer. It may take years. And the struggle involved with discernment is only a part of a much greater struggle that continues far into the future. The effort required to discover your unknown vocation is relatively small compared to the effort required to live out another vocation you already know.
An illustration may help to explain this.
The patron of this Novena is Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati. Two days ago we first noted this son of a wealthy newspaper publisher in Turin, Italy, who never fit in with his father’s plans that he would take over the family business. Pier Giorgio loved the Church (which his father despised) and loved the poor – though no one knew about his many charitable efforts on their behalf.
Pier Giorgio also loved the Eucharist and was very fond of spending hours in prayer, yet he was not what you might call a “holy-roller.” He loved the outdoors, mountain climbing and smoking cigars with his gang of friends called “the sinister ones.” He was a lively jokester, nicknamed “the holy terror,” and a popular young man in his community.
Pier Giorgio never married in his short life, though he certainly wanted to. Through his group of mountain climbing friends he met a young woman with whom he fell in love. But her social status was not comparable to his family’s and his desire not to dishonor his parents led him to resist his heart’s desire. It was a great trial for him.
The story is cut short by Frassati’s untimely death. He contracted polio while bringing medicine to the poor. Only when the occupants of Turin’s slums turned out by the thousands at Pier Giorgio’s wake did his friends and family realize the scope of his work among the poor.
Pier Giorgio never resolved the issue of his own vocation. Or rather, God resolved it in an unexpected way. God showed, I believe, that Pier Giorgio’s primary vocation was fulfilled not in answering the question of “Marriage? Priesthood? Religious life?” It was fulfilled in his daily fidelity to prayer, the sacraments and service to the poor. It was fulfilled in his holiness. He was, and is, a blessed; a saint.
Holiness is our vocation. All other vocations are secondary and are valid only so far as they lead us to this primary goal.
Like Jacob, Pier Giorgio was also a man of great desire. He saw in his love for climbing a love for the struggle to follow God that leads to great heights. He felt close to God when he stood on the peak of a high mountain. He felt close to God in the quiet stillness of the chapel. He felt close to God in the slums among the poor.
It’s easy to let the question of our unknown vocation cloud our vision of the vocation that we already know. We are called to be holy. We are called to be saints. This takes great desire and willingness to struggle. Think of holiness as a lofty but attainable mountain peak. What form the journey up the mountain will take is the course you are seeking in this Novena, but don’t forget that the point is the peak – becoming like Christ. There are many different paths: the different individual vocations that God gives.
Still, the route you take is important. God alone knows what route will be best suited to your gifts and abilities. The route God has chosen for you will be hard at times, but made possible and even pleasing by Christ. “Come to me all who labor and are burdened and I will give you rest…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Mt. 11:28, 30).
Daily faithfulness to God is the primary struggle. It takes great desire. Discernment too is a struggle. But both are very possible. And in the long run they are much easier than the cost of doing your own thing.
If you embark on the remainder of the Novena and find the going gets hard, ask God for the grace and the perseverance to hang in there. When you are weary, battle worn and unsure if you are making any progress, cry out to God for strength. He will always respond.
Don’t forget, Jacob won the match – or at least was able to leverage his divine opponent into giving him a blessing. How is it that a mere man prevailed over God’s messenger? He won not because he was more powerful than the angel. He won because he didn’t give up. He won because God saw that his desire was sufficient to receive a blessing: a daily cross and a new name. That’s what we’ll look at next.
Novena Prayer
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude, © Abbey of Gethsemani
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
EXAMINE MY HEART
1. When I think of becoming “holy” I think of…?
Below I diagnose my holiness bias. Do I really understand the heart of holiness?
becoming a puritan – I’ll never have fun again. And I’ll make sure no one else around me has fun either!
becoming sour and mean – Let’s face it, those saints in the stained glass don’t usually look like they’re having lots of chuckles.
becoming super-spiritual – Will I be so heavenly minded that I’m no earthly good?
becoming judgmental with a “better-than-you” attitude – All the “holy” people I know act more like Pharisees. No thank you!
becoming bound up in guilt – I feel guilty enough as it is. If I take all the rules seriously, I figure I’ll be wearing a spiritual straight jacket for the rest of my life.
A QUOTE NOTE
2. The hidden quality of holiness.
C.S. Lewis, a famous Christian writer from the 20th century, describes the truly humble person as one who draws no attention to himself. We might think of holy people as being remarkable or striking or possessing some notable aura. Judging from the accounts of those who knew them, however, most saints were more like the humble person Lewis describes below.
Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call “humble” nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent fellow who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.
Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis
Can I think of examples of humble people I’ve had the privilege to know? Who are/were they? What qualities drew me to them?
WORLD VIEWS
3. “Oh, I don’t have much discipline…”
When it comes to commitment, we hear this excuse all the time. It’s pretty lame. Do I see the flaw? How would I respond to the person who says, “Self-discipline just isn’t my gift”? (Hint: it’s the same answer I’d give to someone who says that “staying in shape just isn’t my gift.”)
A QUOTE TO NOTE
4. The universal call to holiness
Lumen Gentium, the Dogmatic Constitution on the Church and one of the central documents of the Second Vatican Council issued a summons to all the Christian faithful to strive for holiness. Take a few minutes to reflect on the following excerpt.
Therefore, all the faithful of Christ are invited to strive for the holiness and perfection of their own proper state. Indeed they have an obligation to so strive. Let all then have care that they guide aright their own deepest sentiments of soul. Let neither the use of the things of this world nor attachment to riches, which is against the spirit of evangelical poverty, hinder them in their quest for perfect love. Let them heed the admonition of the Apostle to those who use this world; let them not come to terms with this world; for this world, as we see it, is passing away. LG #42
According to this quote, we are called to strive for “perfect love.” We often stumble over the word “perfect.” We assume it means flawless. It’s easier to understand the word as “fullness.” Perfect love, then, is the full measure of love we’re capable of giving. How does this change the way I see my own effort to attain “perfect love” for God and others?
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”