Day 75. The Disapproving Crowd
…You’re not in your right mind, Psyche. You have imagined things. …We’ll cure you.
Till We Have Faces, C.S. Lewis
Consider today a different perspective on the woman with the alabaster jar.
Sensible people objected. Her behavior was outrageous! Surely everybody knew her reputation. This will be the talk of the town for years to come. The rabbi, the miracle worker had certainly outdone himself. No small feat to raise a man from the dead. Still, this man’s family had its checkered past and it was well known around the community. Hadn’t that woman only recently been working as the local prostitute? She should be ashamed of herself – making such a scene.
And did you see what she did? Why, that’s spice nard! The finest in the land. Probably a gift from some satisfied customer – one of the many wealthy traders who pass through these parts. No small treasure, that. What a waste. Poured out on the ground and spilled on the feet of the Nazorean prophet.
They say he can read thoughts. Certainly he knows, then, her unsavory history. Yet he allows her to go through this embarrassing charade and touch his feet. Wiping them with…her hair! Maybe he’s not what we thought he was. Maybe he’s not so righteous after all. Letting himself be touched by a sinner like that. I mean, really.
The signs of a vocation (we’ll be looking at them shortly) can be very faint at first. The early leadings are so gentle (or so confusing!) that they can easily fall prey to forces hostile to a vocation. Some are internal forces – doubts, temptations, fears. Others are external. Of these, the disapproval of those we love is the most daunting. Today I’d like to focus on this particularly troublesome obstacle to a vocation.
When a soul recognizes the immensity of the gift of salvation, the appropriate response, as we have observed, is to give oneself completely in return. This is the heart of worship. “I who have received a great treasure – life itself, both in birth and in salvation – now turn in gratitude to offer my own greatest treasure, my own life, in response.”
Yet the disapproving gallery of friends and relatives is always near at hand. Even as we consider a total surrender of all that we have to Christ, we hear in our thoughts the objections of the crowd – objections that find their echo in our own hearts. The sinful woman who anoints Jesus’ feet seems to care little for the reactions of others. If only we could say the same.
What are the questions that fill your mind when you think about a consecrated vocation? “What will others think?” or “Isn’t this a bit too extreme? I mean, there are lots of good Catholics who are married, right? You don’t have to be a priest or a nun or a monk to be holy. So why should I take a look at consecration? Why go out on a limb like this?” True, you can be holy as a married person, but that’s not the question. The question is will you allow God to lead you in his plan for your holiness?
“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Luke 12:34) Is your heart in what others think of you? I have seen many young people succumb to the disapproval of family and friends and set aside their initial resolution to give all to Christ. In our dismantled culture it is not uncommon for parents to harshly oppose a daughter or son who expresses the desire to pursue a celibate vocation.
One young man, when he told his parents of his plans to join a religious order, was encouraged instead to find a girlfriend and move in with her – they even offered to pay rent for the cohabitating couple! I am pleased to say that he rejected their temptation and is today a happy, committed Franciscan friar. A young woman, even as I write this, is being threatened with complete exclusion from her family if she enters a convent. I wish these stories were rare.
What makes these situations so difficult is that the ones who object honestly believe their motives are pure; that they are acting on our behalf. They offer us excuses and escapes. They say we’re just going through a phase, or that some traumatic experience has hindered our better judgment. When we protest our sanity and assert our certainty, their reactions may even come to the point of inflicting bodily harm through active or passive violence. Be prepared for the insanity of those who claim to be in sole possession of common sense.
A more subtle temptation comes when those we love say, “…but you’d be so good with children.” Then again there are your friends who suddenly appoint themselves experts in discernment. “Oh, you’re not the priestly type” they’ll pronounce with confidence, “that would be a waste. You’d make too good a husband.” The false assumption behind these statements is that celibacy is only for those who can’t handle marriage and family life. This is far from the truth.
Any vocation director or religious superior worth his or her salt will tell you the same thing: “We wouldn’t want anybody to join us unless he or she would also make a good mother/father/husband/wife.” Consecrating oneself to live in the demanding give-and-take of a religious community or in parish life requires all the skills (and then some) that one needs to faithfully live out a married vocation. Priests and religious, through their ordination or vows, become parents to a much larger and diverse family. “Everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29, emphasis added).
You may find, though, that the clamor for marriage isn’t simply the voice of others, but is really your own. There’s nothing wrong with this. A Godly marriage is a noble goal to aspire to. However, wanting marriage isn’t necessarily a sign of a vocation to marriage. More likely it’s simply a sign that you’re psychologically healthy.
We’ve already observed that all humans, by their very nature, are called to marriage and family. It’s part of our basic drive for survival. A vocation to celibacy doesn’t remove this desire, it surpasses it. And in the early going, you will likely experience a strong desire for human love even as you consider sacrificing this very treasure. The question is, will you allow God to take this desire and transform it into something greater: a yearning for consecrated, Divine love? We’ll continue to explore this question tomorrow.
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God.”
Pier Giorgio responds: I offer you my best wishes – or, rather, only one wish, but the only wish that a true friend can express for a dear friend: may the peace of the Lord be with you always! For if you possess peace every day, you will be truly rich.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, despite your daily struggles, you found peace by fostering your own well being in work, study and play; in prayer alone and with others; in silence and in song, in laughter and in serious conversation with friends. Guide me to that inner peace which will enable me to share peace with others.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is our peace, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need:
(in your own words, ask for the Lord to give you greater gratitude for the graces and gifts you have received from him.)
A Book of Prayers in Honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
Please Be Advised: The Cloister Privilege
Today’s workbook comes under the Cloister Privilege because it calls for mature honesty about people who are very close. This means I should keep what I write below private from even the closest members of my family and friends – especially those who expect access to my personal life. The questions and responses are offered to help my own self-understanding and I share it with others only insofar as it helps my discernment.
BRAIN STORM
1. The Sin of Being Too Religious
In our modern culture of tolerance and choice, there seems to be only one choice that is intolerable: being too generous with God. The label “Jesus freak” or the reputation for being a goody two-shoes is painful and we can’t help wanting to avoid it. So we hide our devotion and downplay our faith when we’re with friends or family we want to impress. But going all-in for Jesus is impossible to hide. How would I reply to the following “well meaning” statements by close friends and family if I told them I’m discerning a vocation? (I can use my journal if I need more space in writing my replies). Suggested replies are found after the closing prayer below.
It’s just a phase you’re going through. You’ll come out of it. I talked to the parish priest and he says you’re probably on some kind of a “God high” after going on that retreat. When that wears off you’ll think differently.
You’re probably just afraid of sex. It happens to people sometimes. You need to loosen up and have a little fun. That should put all this God talk out of your head.
You’re probably gay and you can’t admit it to yourself or you just don’t want to come out. So you’re trying to hide behind the doors of the Church.
Why do you always have to do things your way? It’s so selfish. We’ve tried to give you every advantage and this is how you repay us? Do you know how much we spent on your education? You want to throw that all away and chase your silly Jesus-dreams? I’m just disappointed in you, that’s all.
I knew you were spending too much time with that Catholic group on campus. Didn’t I warn you that they’d start pushing you into something extreme like this? You can’t let other people do your thinking for you. That’s always been your weakness – you’re too trusting and too easily influenced by others. If you go into religious life you’ll be throwing away your freedom and following orders for the rest of your life. I didn’t raise you to do that.
You know, I’m worried about this idea of a vocation. So many priests and nuns leave after years of frustration and loneliness. A friend of your father used to be a priest. He couldn’t take it anymore, said it was a terrible way to live. I’d hate for that to be you one day.
EXAMINE MY HEART
2. Hot or Cold?
In weighing the effects a vocation will have on the people closest to me, I should honestly admit to myself who exerts the greatest influence. Some loved ones might be too “cold,” discouraging a celibate vocation, but others might be too “hot,” pushing me to be a priest/nun/brother, etc. Even if there is nothing outwardly stated, I try to identify who I imagine disappointing the most. Below I write out the three or four people I think about when I ask myself the question, “Whose reaction am I worried about the most when they hear the news that I’m thinking about pursuing or not pursuing a vocation?” These need not be in order of greatest to least.
a. I’m worried how [ ] will react if I (choose one) DO / DON’T pursue a vocation.
My thoughts…
b. I’m worried how [ ] will react if I (choose one) DO / DON’T pursue a vocation.
My thoughts…
c. I’m worried how [ ] will react if I (choose one) DO / DON’T pursue a vocation.
My thoughts…
d. I’m worried how [ ] will react if I (choose one) DO / DON’T pursue a vocation.
My thoughts…
SAINTS SAID IT
3. The Selfishness Stinger
Of all the challenges we face from the people we love, the hardest is the claim that we’re being selfish. It cuts deeply and is often expressed by those who are closest to us. If this is my experience (or I fear it will be my experience), I draw comfort and strength from the saints who faced family pressure in fulfilling their hour. The following biographical excerpts offer advice in handling family friction from our elder sisters and brothers in the faith.
St. Catherine of Siena’s advice: Build an inner sanctuary
St. Catherine of Siena faced intense pressure from her family who demanded that she marry rather than live a celibate vocation. Her mother Lapa held her under house arrest and wouldn’t let her be alone because Catherine prayed too much! Catherine’s advice fits well with the image of the holy of holies in our Temple of Relationships…
The Holy Spirit had taught her how to build herself an inner cell [i.e. a personal sanctuary], a place of refuge where she could pray and think of her Beloved, and from this no one could recall her; here no one could come and disturb her. “The Kingdom of God is within you”: now she understood the meaning of these words, spoken by Him who is truth itself. Within us – it is there that the gifts of the Holy Spirit are poured out upon us to perfect our natural talents, to break down internal and external obstacles. If we passionately desire the true good, the heavenly Guest comes and lives within us – He who has said “Be of good courage, I have conquered the world.”
Catherine trusted in Him, and felt that a cell, not built by human hands, was formed within her, so that she had no need to regret that they had taken from her the little cell [of her own room]. Later she used to advise her disciples… “Build an inner cell in your soul and never leave it.”
Catherine of Sienna, Sigrid Undset, tr. by Austin-Lund, Sheed and Ward 1954
How I might apply this advice in my own case…
St. Francis’ advice: Trust the Church
St. Francis of Assisi heard God’s call to rebuild the Church very literally and sold his father’s goods at a market in Foligno, Italy to pay for materials needed to repair the small chapel of San Damiano. His father Peter was so furious he first imprisoned him and then tried to sue him! St. Francis left behind all claims to an inheritance and took the Church to be his new family.
Meanwhile, Peter Bernardone was in a towering rage and deeply distressed at learning what his son had done… [he] concerned himself only with recovering the Foligno sales money and sending the young rebel into exile….Shouting angrily on the way, he rushed to the palace of the commune, and swore out a warrant before the consuls. The magistrates charged a town crier to summon Francis to appear before them. But the young man…refused to obey… The consuls declared themselves incompetent and rejected the plaintiff’s claim, leaving him with no recourse but to appeal to the jurisdiction of the Church….
“Put your trust in God,” said the bishop to the accused, “and show yourself courageous. However, if you would serve the Church, you have no right, under color of good works, to keep money obtained in this way. So give back such wrongly acquired goods to your father, to appease him.”
“Gladly, my Lord,” replied Francis, “and I will do still more.”
He went within the palace and disrobed; then, with his clothing in his hands, he reappeared, almost entirely nude, before the crowd. …Francis threw everything on the ground. “From now on,” he added, “I can advance naked before the Lord saying in truth no longer: my father, Peter Bernardone, but: our Father who art in heaven!”
At this dramatic climax the bishop drew Francis within his arms, enveloping him in the folds of his mantle. The spectators, catching sight of the hair shirt that the young man wore on his skin, were dumbfounded, and many of them wept. As for Peter Bernardone, unhappy and angry, he hurriedly withdrew, taking with him the clothing and the purse.
St. Francis of Assisi, a Biography, Omer Englebert, tr. by Eve Marie Cooper, Servant Books 1979
How I might entrust myself more to the Church in my discernment?
How can I learn from St. Francis’ example [noting that he returned what his father demanded] as I consider my own college debt or any other financial responsibilities that my parents have helped me with?
Bl. Pier Giorgio’s advice: Daily Eucharist
Bl. Pier Giorgio was a daily communicant in a time when this was rare. Only the most devout did such a thing, not a mere youth with his whole life ahead of him. His family resisted, but in the Eucharist, Frassati found strength.
In his spiritual ascent Pier-Giorgio never relied upon himself but upon God. Above all, he lived a Eucharistic life because he realized that all heroic souls, whether of bygone days, of the present times or of the future, must be nourished by this Bread if they are to reach heaven.
Devotion, and above all devotion to the Eucharist, is the secret of his heroism. “Jesus is with me,” he loved to say, “I have nothing to fear.”
…[His mother] reacted vehemently when Pier-Giorgio wanted to receive Holy Communion daily. She was just as upset when she began to be afraid that her son would want to become a priest. On this occasion she even went so far as to say: “Let him pass his examinations so that he can die!” For her, a son as a priest was the same as a dead son. …His father and mother, living constantly in his company, had eyes that saw nothing and ears that heard nothing. He was not in the least understood by them and that made him very sad; but there was joy in the innermost recesses of his heart, because God understood him.
The Soul of Pier Giorgio Frassati, Robert Claude, S.J., tr. by Una Morissy, B.A., Spiritual Book Association, Inc. 1960
How might I grow more consistent in my reception of daily Eucharist? Caution: keep it in the realm of what’s possible!
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”