Day 83. The Call: Listening with the Soul
All of a sudden I was seized with an unutterable happiness, a happiness of spirit that tore me free from myself. For a few minutes my soul was completely absorbed in God. I could not have said what was taking place in me, but my thoughts, instead of wandering here and there, as they usually did, came to a standstill in a sort of rapture that I have never experienced since. And the very words I use in trying to describe the indescribable only serve to confuse my memories. And yet this is not so. What lives in my memory is the feeling of deep security – a little of which still remains – the inexpressible peace enjoyed by the soul when it takes shelter under the all-powerful wing of the Lord
Diary of Julien Green, 1941
We’ve briefly examined listening with the heart through Ignatian discernment of spirits. We turn our attention now to a different way of receiving and responding to the divine call: listening with the soul.
Have you noticed that some people seem to walk on water when it comes to their vocation? These are the ones who “just always knew.” They dressed up in a sheet with a pillowcase for a veil and played “nun” at age five. They gave out “communion” to friends in the form of candy wafers at age nine. Aren’t these people irritating? How did they sidestep the grueling pains that so many undergo on this question? While the rest of us are backed up at the tollbooths of discernment they zip through the easy-pass lane sporting some unseen vocational bar code.
I’m tempted to send such charmed souls packing; to advise the whole “always knew” crowd to stop the novena here and leave the rest of us to keep muddling through. However, it is well that we take a moment to consider those who hear God’s call by listening with their whole soul.
Of course I’m kidding. I’m not really critical of those who “just know.” One who receives the Lord’s call with the grace of clarity, immediacy and certainty is in fact an important sign to the rest of us. If not for these souls we might believe that our discernment labors somehow entitled us to an answer – as if we could demand some sort of heavenly paycheck for a job well done. Whether it comes easy or hard, vocation is always a gift. And the reasons for the varying levels of difficulty – why Ed always knew and Sarah still hasn’t a clue – are understood only in the mysterious mind of God.
If you find yourself in this category, I only offer some questions for your reflection. Are you confident that the call is from God and not the strong leading of someone you love? For example, a child whose mother has told him “you will be a priest” from early in life may feel a sense of obligation that appears to be a divine call. Also, are you seeking your intended vocation in freedom of conscience? It is possible that the guilt (real or imagined) of a shameful experience or of a sinful past may push one to grasp for a mistaken sense of redemption in the pursuit of a vocation. Such cases are not uncommon.
There is no reason to lose heart if either of the above situations may apply. We should simply be aware that even confident assurance of a vocation must stand the test of responsible soul searching. And we need not be tempted to drop out simply because of possible false motives. Instead, we are prepared for God’s purification as we pursue his leadings. Most formation programs are designed to allow God to bring to light and correct any misguided motivations. We are just as likely to find that our certainty is as it appears to be – a gift and true calling from God.
I have been blessed to know many happy priests and religious who “always knew.” They make visible the joy of response to God’s loving call. What a beautiful sign they are! Their faces are filled with serene confidence. Their service is joyful, free and unhindered by the dreaded “what if” regrets that others may struggle with. They heard God’s voice in the very depths of their souls, and with faith they said an unqualified “yes.”
There is another group who falls under the heading of “listening with your whole soul.” These are the blessed ones who experience a divine intervention in their lives: a sudden, certain call. Unlike the prior bunch, the call comes further down the road. While they may go years without a hint or a glint of God’s will, one day it is revealed to them with radiant clarity. Ignatius says of this, “God our Lord moves and attracts the will in such a way that a devout person, without doubting or being able to doubt, carries out what was proposed.” (#175) Most of our best vocation stories – from the Bible, from the lives of the saints and from moving testimonies that we hear – are of this sort.
The dramatic conversion of Saul/Paul from the book of Acts ranks high as a model for this kind of call. In zealous pursuit of Christian “heretics,” Saul is confronted by a blinding light on the road to Damascus and hears a voice that says, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” (Acts 9:4) In a moment of clarity that leaves him literally unable to see, Saul is made to understand that he will be a servant of the Christians that he has heretofore persecuted. The recipient himself later gives the meaning of this event. St. Paul asserts that his call is a demonstration of the gracious gift of God who chose the worst of sinners (1 Tim 1:15,16) to be his apostle to the nations.
These special, powerful episodes, therefore, are not reserved for those who are a cut above. We’ve come back to this principle throughout the novena. God calls the small and the weak and the sinful – not necessarily the “righteous” – to show most clearly the total gratuity of his mercy.
My impression is that many young people consider the two patterns – the “always knew” and the “suddenly certain” – to be the only models for discernment. So they wait for the lightening bolt of divine clarity to strike and feel somehow snubbed when it doesn’t come. Others get it, but they don’t. “Maybe I just don’t rate with God.” If this sounds familiar to you, I’ll state the obvious: you are not a reject. You are also not alone.
In my experience, those who hear God’s call with sudden, immediate certainty are relatively rare. Most discerners are of the humble-stumble variety. And why not? God is so pleased to see a young person really making the effort to seek him. To struggle like Jacob; to wrestle, question, try, fail and try again is a conquest that stands in such stark contrast to the selfish pursuits so widespread in our wealthy western society. How could God not be glorified by your trials? How could he fail to respond? Take heart. There are two more ways to hear his call.
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Pier Giorgio responds: To live without faith, without a patrimony to defend, without a steady struggle for truth – that is not living but existing.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, teach me silence in the face of personal humiliation and unjust criticism. But guide me to be courageous like you in standing on the side of God’s truth. Help me to be faithful to Him in all things, so that His will may be done in and through my life. Show me how to persevere in the struggle for those things which are holy and honorable.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is the source of grace and truth, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (in your own words, ask for the Lord to give you the grace to listen with your whole soul).
A Book of Prayers in Honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
A QUOTE TO NOTE
1. Suddenly Certain: A True Call
Sr. Thérèse Marie Iglesias describes the moment she experienced a call to religious life. Using the seven “P” principles from Days 70 and 71, identify by circling and lettering at least five that are evident in the experience below. God’s call is:
a. Personal. Jesus desires to communicate with me personally.
b. Possible. God’s call often begins with an intuitive spark that says, “I can see myself doing this.”
c. Pleasing. As we yield our hearts to his expressed purposes, there comes a peace and a growing sense of pleasure.
d. Patterned. There are patterns to divine communication. And discernment involves learning these patterns.
e. Pure. There is purity, simplicity and purpose to what God says.
f. Permanent. Whatever he speaks, remains.
g. Powerful. God’s command is a summons not a suggestion. It stirs, disturbs and impels.
How did call me? The actual “moment” happened the last day of a retreat after receiving communion. I knelt down to pray and saw the image of a crucifix and I was lying prostrate before Him on the cross. These words resounded in my heart: “My daughter I am your king, and I claim you as my own.” After 15 minutes I was in denial it ever happened, but deep down knew it was very significant. The next day I called home and with no plan whatsoever to do this I burst out with, “Mom and Dad I am being called to religious life.” Then tears came and really they were tears of surrender – it was my moment of acceptance. Immediately immense joy and peace overcame me and excitement for this vocation.
Sr. Thérèse Marie Iglesias, used with permission, from a letter, January 12, 2004
2. Never Doubted…But Still Tested!
Fr. Walter Ciszek, S.J. experienced a call to be a missionary to Russia in the 30’s accompanied by personal certainty and profound spiritual consolations. However, his autobiographical account sheds light on a simple truth: even those who are certain of God’s call will be tested with doubts. We find comfort in knowing that no discernment journey gets an “EasyPass.” Everyone must wrestle with God’s will.
The moment Makar (Ciszek’s superior) spoke of going to Russia my heart leapt. I was so excited, so seized by a deep interior joy, that I had to restrain my emotions in order to not seem foolish…I had no doubts, no fears, no hesitation. I knew what I was going to do next, what I had wanted all my life…that vision of the call to Russia never left me. I never considered it an illusion, and it influenced every moment of my life. It was something intangible, sometimes consciously remembered and at other times unconsciously acted upon, but it was very real.
…It was not to be that easy, though. The next morning brought with it a flood of second thoughts. Had I let my enthusiasm for an old dream run away with my better judgment? Could I be so sure of God’s will? Wasn’t I interpreting the present situation as a “sign” of God’s providence only because I wanted it to be that way? Wasn’t I merely following my own desires and simply calling them God’s will for me? Anyone who has ever wrestled with his conscience over a particular course of action has experienced what I went through then. Any young man who has felt called to a vocation and then hesitated, wondering if the call is genuine, knows the agonies of such second thoughts and how powerful the counter arguments can be.
…I turned to prayer, but my mind was in such turmoil, my intellect so actively involved in weighing reasons pro and con, that I could not hear the voice of God.
…I prayed that I might be totally open to God’s providence, that I would trust only in him, that like Abraham I would be prepared to follow his call no matter where it might lead, without thoughts of self or doubts or reasons of my own. I wanted to be totally open to God’s will, to hear his voice, and to leave self out of it. That was my prayer for guidance. And immediately there came flooding back the sense of peace, that feeling of joy, that confidence in the simple and direct faith expressed in trusting him alone. I knew then what I must do. I experienced then what I had heard before from spiritual directors or read in spiritual books but never fully understood: that God’s will can be discerned by the fruits of the spirit it brings, that peace of soul and joy of heart are two such signs, provided they follow upon total commitment and openness to God alone and are not founded on the self’s desires.
Walter J. Ciszek, S.J., He Leadeth Me, with Daniel L. Flaherty, S.J., Ignatius Press
What was it about Ciszek’s prayer that I believe were pleasing to God? (list 5 things)
How can I apply these points to my own discernment and attitude about my vocation?
EXAMINE MY HEART
3. Fumbling and Stumbling: Why?
From the beginning of our novena we have recalled the image of Jacob wrestling with God. No honest exploration of God’s will is without struggle. Am I weary of the effort? Frustrated at the mixed signals or lack of consolations? I call to mind that God wastes nothing. Even my struggle is part of his blessing. One noted spiritual writer explains it this way:
But God keeps souls fumbling and stumbling – always on the edge of discovering the object of their desire, but always painfully aware of their empty-handedness – precisely because He wants them to go on in the work for His sake, and for His sake alone. Perseverance is conditioned not by satisfaction but by dissatisfaction. If we were satisfied that we had found what we wanted, we would stop wanting.
Dom Hubert Van Zeller, The Inner Search, New York, Sheed and Ward Inc. 1957
What have I gained from my own struggles with uncertainty in finding and following God’s will?
SAINTS SAID IT
4. Even Certainty Isn’t a Sure Thing
St. Ignatius advises spiritual guides to be on the lookout for young discerners whose “suddenly certain” convictions are more likely to be mere human motives. His wisdom is helpful for appreciating the role of a trusted advisor. A good guide can help us test the call and recognize true and false leadings.
If the one who is giving the Exercises sees that the exercitant is going on in consolation and in great fervor, he must admonish him not to be inconsiderate or hasty in making any promise or vow. The more unstable in character he knows him to be, the more he should forewarn and admonish him. For though it is right to urge one to enter the religious state in which he knows that vows of obedience, poverty and chastity are taken, and though a good work done under vow is more meritorious than one done without a vow, nevertheless, it is necessary to consider with great care the condition and endowments of each individual, and the help or hindrance one would experience in carrying out his promises. (emphasis added)
The Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius of Loyola, Article # 14
I’m the Advisor. What should I say?
It might seem strange that someone who receives spiritual consolations, and who wants to go all-out for God in a celibate vocation, would be told by a good and holy advisor, “Hold on.” Yet Ignatius is clear: their motives may not be quite right. Why would someone decide too fast about pursuing a religious or priestly vocation? On the next page, consider what advice (right column) is best suited to the following possible situations and reasons? Draw a line to match the best hunch with the best advice.
The Advisor Suspects…
A. The discerner wants to escape the fear and uncertainty of not knowing. Sometimes any answer is thought to be better than no answer at all.
B. The discerner is reacting impulsively to a sudden, unexpected moment of joy and clarity. Having grown up in a culture that says, “What I feel is what is real,” there’s an over-eager reaction to such a powerful encounter with God.
C. The discerner, after experiencing spiritual consolations, mistakenly assumes that in order to keep experiencing these, we have to do more and more; achieve higher and higher levels for God. …and therefore recommends…
1. Advice: Authentic consolation leaves a lasting impression. Strong emotions, even when God’s word has truly spoken to your soul, can cloud your thinking and make you misunderstand what, in fact, God is saying. Don’t make any firm commitments right now. If this is more inspiration than impulse, time will tell.
2. Advice: Fear is never a good motive for a vocation. We make a gift of ourselves based on what we’re called to, not what we’re running from. Waiting on the Lord in the darkness of not-knowing takes more faith than fast answers. So wait a little longer. Finding peace in spite of uncertainty is a test of faith, and grabbing for an answer – even a holy answer – may be fear disguised as faith.
3. Advice: God gives spiritual consolation when and how he pleases. Any attempt to prolong or deepen such experiences – even by doing radical, religious things – can be our own attempt to control something that is very much out of our control. Making a generous response is the right move, but not to keep the feelings coming. We say ‘yes’ to God, not to a feeling. So let the strong feelings fade and see if the fire of faith and clarity remains. Decide then what God wants.
Do any of these situations relate to me? How?
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”
Answers to #3B: A-2; B-1; C-3