Day 97. The Reward: “…and eternal life besides”
…the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I can not write them. And for us this is the end of all stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.
The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis
A breeze from the open window stirs the papers on my desk and wakes me from my daydreaming. I stretch and stand and go to the living room for no reason but to move around a little. There’s such a peace about this place. It’s hard to get used to. The trials of the past seem a million years ago…maybe they are, I can’t really remember.
Remember.
So much to remember.
When I turn my mind to the past it stretches out in a long, long road. I guess only now do I see what was really going on along that way.
Now that I’m here, I’m free from all that used to cause me such pain. Yet my days surround me and are with me. They are different now than when I first lived them, all those yesterdays. They are…how can I explain this? They are part of me. Every choice I made. Each decision. I don’t mean just the big ones (they seemed big at the time, anyway). I don’t mean schools and jobs and moves and vows. I mean more of the little ones. The decisions to listen when I was restless and bored or the decisions to pray when I didn’t want to – which was most of the time. Decisions to work for your Glory and to do what I thought you wanted.
I never realized how much you were a part of it all. You reminded me, spoke to me in whispered assurances, kept my feet plodding along. I gave myself so much credit. Now I wonder if I deserve any at all. I was carried in your arms. Healed by your sacraments. Kissed upon the forehead by the sweet breath of your Spirit each night as I slept. On my death bed, (remember how dark it seemed?) you were there. It took heaven for me to see earth rightly.
There are sounds of laughter from the street below. Cries of joy. The children here play and run with endless energy. We’re all children now. Not immature, I don’t mean that, but free and happy.
What a change all this is. And yet I’ve been here, at least in my spirit, before. Like my past which is so present now, made pure and part of me, I realize that this future was with me also. It wasn’t any single experience. It wasn’t sunsets or music or love in that far, yesterday world. Somehow it was part of all of those and yet in none of them. It simply was and is and forever will be – this place I find myself.
You are why I’m here. Now I see it and so much more. All my questions have dissipated like a morning fog illuminated by a warm and golden light. Each day is like one long, “Oh, of course.” Your coming. Your dying. Your life in mine and mine in you. It is all so beautiful. You are so much more. Open, inviting, terrible, wonderful. I’m sorry that I try to describe you – it’s just an old habit I’m having a hard time letting go of. Like these papers on my desk.
The light through the window changes a little, and I know that soon I’ll go again to your House. We’ll all be together there and continue to see it unfolding, this plan of yours. I think I would be content to spend all my time there if it were permitted. You say that one day it will be.
There are so many who still struggle to arrive here. I see now the infinite care you take for each one. We always thought you were distant and remote, yet we were the distant ones – you never left us, never stopped speaking to us. So now we gather around you and speak to you about them, the warriors who still fight on. You let us help; give us care for your precious children who remain there below. We speak to you of them, and you respond with gifts of grace.
Had I known this back then, I’m sure I’d have spent more time asking the saints to intercede. Had I known the kind of care you take with our prayers and theirs.
I keep meeting people here who know me – who watched me making my way. The other day I was strolling along the river road near the East Gate, and a Shining One stopped me and said that she interceded that I would resist a temptation to sin once. That choice, too, is with me now as a beautiful pendant. They know all about me. They’ve been helping me. It was awkward at first, but not intrusive. I don’t feel violated, only loved and, at last, understood. All of them, in some way, were a part of my becoming.
Anyway, I thanked her, but she laughed (everybody laughs here – but it sounds more musical – I can’t really describe it). She said that really it was you, so I made a mental note to thank you for this and so many other things I’m discovering.
The distant, resonant tone of a bell makes my heart leap with excitement. I grab a few things, again more from habit than from needing them. I know I’ll need nothing in your House. We all come streaming out of the doors and passageways of this immense city. We go to the same place, moving along the wide, splendid avenues with light steps and joyful spirits. Our eyes meet as we move. Always there is a shared understanding – no need for explanations. We go to be together with you, and there is nothing else that matters.
I’ll see those I myself helped along the way. The ones who have already arrived (some died after me, but fared better and went faster than I in the transition). I love seeing them in the Assembly. So many of them. And already a few who came by their help. I see the unfolding family tree of eternity. Traced not by blood lines but by witness and teaching and evangelization; charity and grace.
What if I had not made those vows years ago? What if I had followed my own plans when I lived in the world of shadows? Would they be here, Father? If I had not witnessed to them about you, would someone else have done so? Regardless, they are here and so am I. They – and you, Jesus – are that treasure in heaven you spoke of. To see their joy makes my own heart so full.
These thoughts pass from my mind when we make the final turn and see the majestic portals standing open. I smell the sweet incense of your halls on the afternoon breeze.
We are here, that’s all that matters to me now. All who said “yes” to your invitation. The “yes” was your gift, but it was also my choice. This, too, is part of me now. This “yes” – both yours and mine – that is now our whole relationship. I pass the entryway and find myself engulfed in Light. I am already singing, for it is impossible not to praise here. And then I see you. And I can think of nothing else.
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: Blessed are you when they revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven.
Pier Giorgio responds: We who by the grace of God are Catholics must steel ourselves for the battle we shall certainly have to fight to fulfill our program and to give our country, in the not too distant future, happier days and a morally healthy society. But to achieve this we need constant prayer to obtain from God that grace without which all our powers are useless.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, show me how to bear all wrongs patiently. Help me to accept the sufferings which others inflict on me because of my desire to be faithful to Jesus.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who protects the innocent, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need:
(in your own words, ask for the Lord to grant you the grace of a priestly vocation. Also, pray for priestly vocations to increase in the Church).
A Book of Prayers in Honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
THIS IS MY HOUR
1. My Hour: An Overview of the Spiritual Life Continued…
The next phase of our Survey of the Spiritual Life is “I.”
Spiritual Life Survey Phase: “I”
PROCESS: Instruction. The purification of the Night of Sense prepares the disciple for Instruction. God humbles us to make us teachable and, by the indwelling Spirit, shows us the path of discipleship clearly and personally. Instruction here means so much more than just “information.” Think of it as “In-Structuring.” God rebuilds us inwardly – establishing and equipping us for deeper prayer, more generous love and more faithful service in his Kingdom. Many habits of sin and personal weakness are uprooted. Others remain despite our best efforts to break free – thus deepening our humility and dependence on God. We gradually realize things we thought we understood are more mysterious and dynamic – we’ve only scratched the surface! My understanding expands, my heart grows and I find myself taking on the mind of Christ (Rom. 12:2) in every aspect of life.
RESULT: Investment. The disciple is now personally invested in the pursuit of God. The spiritual life takes on a more central, organizing role in daily decision-making. I expect to be guided by God and look to him in prayer when I have important decisions to make. I begin to realize how deeply my patterns of sin are ingrained in me and I accept that only by God’s grace will I gain victory, though I also know I’ll need to keep fighting to overcome them. Prayer and the Bible are more important to me and I find more connections between scripture and daily life.
OBSTACLE: Inflated. Though God has humbled me in the Night, my own insecurity will leave me vulnerable to the temptation of spiritual pride. I begin to think of myself as more advanced than others. I find myself comparing my knowledge about the faith with what I hear from pastors. For example I become a critic of homilies or focus on flaws in the mass rather than on my own need for deeper conversion. In short, I act like one who has arrived rather than someone who has just begun the spiritual journey. St. Paul cautions against this when he writes, “…knowledge inflates with pride, but love builds up. If anyone supposes he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know” (1 Cor. 8:1b, 2a).
My Investment portfolio. What has been my experience of God’s Instruction so far? Have I found myself more Invested? Am I growing in faithfulness to prayer and living out scripture daily, or am I hanging on to God by a thread – seriously tempted to give up because it’s more work than I was expecting? …or some combination of both? In my journal, I write examples.
My rate of inflation. How have I seen myself become inflated in my faith life? As I’ve learned more, have I been judgmental of others? Impatient with spiritual leaders I find out of touch? Distracted at Mass by thoughts of the “right” way it “should” be done?
I am the worst sinner I know. How has God continued to humble me so that I don’t become puffed up? Below are some examples of his chosen methods. Do any of them sound familiar? Check all that apply.
I’m still stuck in a cycle of sin or weakness.
I can’t put into words what I see and feel spiritually – it never comes out right!
I find that I’m avoided by people I once was close to – good people – because I’m too much for them.
I’m so incredibly awkward when talking about faith. It’s really embarrassing.
If I’m tempted to think everything will be better when these struggles are past, I prayerfully read the passage below from St. Paul.
…And to keep me from being too elated by the abundance of revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 RSV
What are some blessings I’ve experienced through my own “thorns”?
Day of Dedication
The “I” phase prepares us for the Day of Dedication. This is the day of our vows, our commitment, our public, permanent promise to our chosen vocation. Unlike other important transitions in the spiritual journey, this Day is movable. For some it happens relatively early in life, for others quite late. There are even those who never choose a specific vocation for a variety of reasons. All this is to say that even though the Day of Dedication is an important part of the spiritual life, God’s transformative work continues despite the very uneven process of finding and answering his call.
If a married person dedicates himself or herself to a spouse, whom does a celibate person dedicate himself or herself to?
How does dedication to a divine person differ from dedication to a human person? List at least 5 ways.
Season of Discernment
With the image of My Hour more clearly understood, we can say that discernment is most fruitful when a person has reached the part of the hour closest to 6 – or halfway through the “I” phase. Reflecting on my own situation, has this discernment novena come at the right time for me? Why or why not?
2. Write My Own Thoughts
How does the following phrase apply to (1) the biggest thing I’ve accomplished this year and (2) the most entertaining thing I’ve done this year?
“What does it matter, in light of eternity?
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”