4th Advisory Meeting
On or After the Candidate Completes Day 39
Description: This meeting will address two primary areas: Habits of Sin and History of Hurts. The important point is forgiveness – helping the candidate to understand and successfully apply the grace of forgiveness in her or his own life.
Preparation Points – Print out or have ready some suggested locations and contacts for scheduling a Decision Retreat to coincide (roughly) with the projected end-date for the Novena (you may have done this already). The candidate should be informed that retreat houses will charge a guest fee, usually a certain amount per night. The amount may be more than the candidate can afford, especially if this is a college student. Suggest that it never hurts to ask if there could be a fee reduction, especially in light of encouraging vocations. More on this below.
Meeting Agenda
1. Ask the Candidate: Did you make a general confession or a regular confession? The purpose of asking is to invite sharing if the person did a general confession and God blessed them in some way. Be discrete. What they share is entirely up to them, and its best to lead them to talk more about the positive or negative experience after the confession and avoid discussing the content of the confession, which as you know is completely confidential.
2. Ask the Candidate: Do You Have Any Questions? Ask about the Allegory of the Table. Are you able to apply the image to your own life now that you have finished it?
3. Shifting the Pillars. After the soil-sampling you examined in the previous section, the Allegory draws attention to the Three Diamond Cornerstones and focuses on realigning one’s Sense of Self, Source of Love and Hope of Happiness on, respectively, one’s identity as a daughter or son of God, knowledge and personal acceptance of God’s love and a decision to follow God’s will in order to reach Heaven. Some of the questions that come up at this stage are:
How do I make this happen? How do I shift from resting my life on sand, clay and stones to resting on these cornerstones? Day 33 explains this, but you may have to help the candidate reflect further on how daily decisions– prioritizing decisions – form our character and gradually reset our pillars on the right foundations.
Does this mean I have to give up everything – all those sand, clay and stone items that I identified as the things I rest my pillars on? No, not necessarily. For the most part, God will move things rather than remove things in your life – changing relationships or challenging you to rethink ways of living that separate you from God in subtle ways. When we say that God is a jealous God one way to understand this is that he will allow no created person, relationship, expectation or plan to intervene in the primary connection he expects with his own daughters and sons. God alone must be our priority in life. He’s rather uncompromising on this point, to say the least.
Do I have to make all these changes now? No, in fact to attempt this would be a formula for failure. The Holy Spirit will lead you to prioritize areas of personal growth. Pay attention to what leadings you experience in prayer and what areas of your life you feel called to make changes in. Ask the Lord to help you set priorities in what to work on as you make Christ the priority of your life.
4. Commitment to Christ. If it seems appropriate, you can invite the candidate to pray and lead them in words that express a personal desire to make Jesus the center of their life. You can invite them to repeat after you. Keep it simple and straightforward: “Lord Jesus, I ask you to be Lord in my life. I repent of placing other things ahead of you. I want to belong to you first and to follow you as your disciple. Amen.”
5. Habits of Sin – It may become evident that certain habits of sin are creating a significant distraction for the person you’re advising. Though it’s rare to suspend the Novena for this reason, be aware that you may feel led to do so for a period of time. For example, if the candidate’s habits or hurts warrant clinical care (a serious eating disorder, an addiction to pornography or a pattern of drug or alcohol abuse), you may choose to suspend the Novena until the candidate has addressed these pressing issues. Please be careful to express support and availability in connecting the candidate with avenues of healing. To the best of your ability, they should not feel “cut off” or rejected by your decision.
6. History of Hurts – What’s With All the Balls?! There’s a point in the description of what happens when our Table is shaken by trials and the iron balls of past hurts thunder back and forth over the surface of our lives where you might be tempted to say, “Enough!” This is the part that stretches your imagination (and possibly your patience) the most. But it’s a fairly accurate description of what is unleashed in our inner world when past hurts are stirred up by present troubles. Pardon the pun, but roll with it.
7. Forgiveness – Do your best to explain what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. The Novena invites the candidate during this section to examine past hurts in relationships with family, friends and dating relationships. This occurs in Days 38 and 39. Invite the candidate to share with you any significant hurts that she/he is aware of, being careful to respect the freedom to withhold personal information if she/he chooses to. It’s not uncommon for the candidate to be unaware of painful memories because we tend to unconsciously put them aside and keep them there. Questions may spark memories that open up the conversation. You may ask about family relationships like…
Did you get along with your siblings when you were growing up?
Which parent (or parent-figure) were you closest to?
Did you ever go through a painful or combative stage in your relationship with either mom or dad?
Have you ever been hurt by a friend or group of friends?
What about by a boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you willing to describe what happened?
Your purpose in asking these questions is to prayerfully look for signs of deeper hurts that may call for healing and help. If you are familiar with healing prayers that are appropriate to the candidate’s needs, you may offer them. Don’t be offended if the candidate politely refuses. Healing happens throughout our lives and the person has to want it. Think of how often Jesus asked, “What do you want me to do for you?” The will and the faith of the recipient is key to Christ’s healing power.
8. Looking Ahead. With the conclusion of the Allegory of the Table of Self-Knowledge, the candidate moves on to “The Temple of Relationships” and goes up to “Jerusalem,” recalling the pilgrimage image used in the introduction. I will often give the candidate an overview of the next section at the conclusion of the meeting. As you become more familiar with the content of the Novena, feel free to set the stage for the candidate and don’t worry about “spoiling” any surprises.
A few points I note as they start the next section:
You might find the next section difficult to get interested in, but if you hang in there it will pay off. It explains the temple layout in detail and this may not seem relevant at first. Days 54 to 69 will apply what you learn in a very useful way.
There are a few days dedicated to reflecting on/considering the state of our culture. They give important context for the difficulties we face in understanding relationships today.
9. Decision Retreat – Making arrangements. Conclude the meeting by encouraging the candidate to begin the process of scheduling a Decision Retreat. Discuss the advantages/disadvantages of the 8 day and 4 day options (see the Decision Retreat page for more info). Offer any recommendations you can for potential retreat locations. Remind them, as they contact the various houses, to explain that they won’t need a directed retreat (since you’ll be providing that part). If cost is an issue, the candidate could think creatively. For example, asking a trusted local pastor about spare rooms in the rectory, or approaching a local religious congregation about guest facilities they might be willing to offer at reduced rates or for free. Consider scheduling too. Look ahead to see when you’re both available. Help the candidate think through plans. For example, once they find a suitable location and dates, they’ll probably need to arrange for time off work or school. In making these arrangements, encourage the candidate to simply request “personal time.” The idea is to keep the retreat and its purpose as quiet as possible from friends and co-workers. The fewer people who know about it, the less pressure and outside expectations there will be once the retreat arrives.
