8th Advisory Meeting

Written By 99 Day Novena

On or After the Candidate Completes Day 99

Description: The format of this meeting is somewhat flexible because it may or may not coincide with the candidate’s Decision Retreat. For the purpose of these notes, we’ll focus on wrapping up the Novena and handle the retreat preparations in a separate section below. The 9th Advisory meeting page explains the post-retreat goals of confirming their election and planning next-steps. Here in your 8th meeting, the Novena proper has concluded for the candidate with the last portion describing “The Call, the Cost, the Road and the Reward.” These four “corners” move from the practical side of discernment to the various paths or life states one can discern and finally a description of the blessings one may experience in a celibate vocation – both here and in the hereafter.

Preparation Points 

1. The Ebenezer and the Century Stone. Recall the purpose of the Ebenezer, the rock of remembrance, explained in the Discernment Advisors overview. Here it is for your convenience: 

  • About two weeks before the conclusion of the Novena, you’re invited to obtain a smooth, white stone along with a small box to present it in (craft stores sell simple wooden or cardboard boxes like these). This stone, along with a card (provided here as a printable PDF), is an encouragement for the candidate at your final meeting. The white stone can be ordered on-line from any number of suppliers, or, like the box, can be purchased at a craft store (they sell bags of polished stones to be used with center pieces at receptions). A single white stone, sometimes called a moonstone, is all that’s needed. It need not be expensive. Purchase also a metallic-ink pen that writes in either gold or silver and write the number 100 on one side of the stone. Set it aside to dry.

  • This white stone is the Century Stone and it is given as a replacement for the Ebenezer which has been discarded. Having “let go” of something familiar, the candidate will receive back something beautiful. This is intended as a metaphor for the process of receiving a vocation and the “new name” that goes with it (see Revelation 2:17). We let go of something known and receive back from God as a gift something new. What is lost is not necessarily replaced, but what is given is something precious from God. 

  • The candidate is invited to leave this stone in the place where they make vows or promises in whatever life state they finally choose. Those who do not experience a call to a specific life state can use the Century Stone to mark some other discerned decision to follow Christ - a choice in which there is no turning back. This stone is no magic amulet, but simply a tangible connection between the process of discernment they’ve just undergone and the resolution of that process, whatever the specific call.

  • Inside the card, you are invited to write words of encouragement to the candidate. These words can be very powerful in building up the candidate and offering vision as they conclude the Novena.

If the candidate has yet to go on their closing Decision Retreat, you should wait to present the stone until your final meeting that will conclude, not only the 99 Days, but also the retreat. This may be at the close of the retreat, but usually it’s a meeting you schedule about a week afterwards.

2. Review “This Is My Hour” Section in Workbook. Starting with Day 95, there’s a section describing the stages of the spiritual journey using the analogy of a 12 hour clock. It’s a preparation for the closing retreat, so it will benefit you to be familiar with the material. As you read the descriptions of the stages, see if you can locate the candidate based on your familiarity with her/his spiritual life. You don’t need to share your observations with the candidate unless you feel it’s helpful.

3. Ascending the Mountain. The scene on Mount Tabor with Jesus surrounded by saints of both the old and new covenants is the central image of this final stage. Going up the mountain is a rich Biblical metaphor of a heavenward ascent and the contemplation of Christ. Each person on the mount of Transfiguration opens for us a different facet of Jesus and a different path for Christian vocation. Take time to meditate on this passage, especially as depicted in the Gospel of Luke (Lk 9:28-36).

4. Specific vocational paths. There is no way to present the rich diversity of celibate vocations in a series of short meditations. I’ve tried to focus, therefore, on categories. This is especially true of consecrated life which introduces a dizzying array of terminology: contemplative, active, cloistered, monastic, mendicant, discalced, eremitic etc. Only the most relevant terms and distinctions are covered. Priesthood is mercifully more familiar, but certainly not easy to explain sufficiently given our constraints. This highlights the importance of visits and exposure to real people living these vocations. If they’ve had limited success in making visits, you can encourage the candidate to research various religious groups online – not all, but maybe five to seven that you might recommend. 

5. Vows and promises. Speaking of distinctions, one that is often overlooked is the difference between promises and vows. A phrase I use to remember this is:  promises are proper, but vows are voluntary. A promise, in the context of the sacraments, is the commitment required by the person or persons involved – therefore it is proper for marriage that the bride and groom make binding promises to each other and to God. A vow, by contrast, goes over and above what is required. While the vows of chastity, poverty and obedience in religious life are probably the most familiar, there are other vows a Christian can make and no one should make a vow without careful discernment. One could vow to make a pilgrimage, to offer a specific gift as a thanksgiving to God, or to refrain from a certain behavior. The Catechism of the Catholic Church has a very helpful section on promises and vows under paragraphs 2101-2103.

6. Vocations proper to women and men. As the Novena offers descriptions of priesthood (Day 90), sisterhood (Day 92 parts 1 & 2) and brotherhood (Day 93), it is helpful to coach your candidate accordingly. As noted in the text, the section on sisterhood has two meditations in case a woman who is discerning would rather focus on aspects of religious life for women as opposed to the two male-specific vocations.

7. Drawing conclusions – Decision Retreat, Preparation and Resolution Worksheets. With the Novena coming to an end, we provide guides and resources for a Decision Retreat, including two worksheets: the Decision Preparation (DP) worksheet to be completed in advance and the Decision Resolution worksheet to be filled out afterwards. The Preparation worksheet offers questions to guide the candidate in identifying the call they believe they are receiving from God. Review the material in advance to make sure you understand it. An important (but unusual) feature of the DP is to invite the candidate to consider how they are reacting to the vocational path they see emerging. It’s a very informative reaction! A happy response to an emerging awareness of a celibate vocation is a good thing, but the opposite could be better. An initial, strong, negative reaction to a call from God is one of the surest signs that it’s really a call from God. Why? Going all the way back to the Table of Self-Knowledge, we recall that our negative emotional reactions are most telling because we generally don’t want them and so they are more honest than “happy” or positive reactions. With time, the negative reaction will, we hope, give way to acceptance and a growing sense of peace as the candidate yields to God’s will. That said, if the candidate is experiencing a lot of inner conflict, you should (1) be aware of it and (2) avoid pushing too hard. This is something they need to work out with God. The Decision Resolution worksheet offers an interpretive key for their Inclination and Agitation ratings. Feel free to review it here. Please don’t give a blank copy to the candidate, though, until they conclude their retreat.

8. Print Materials for Decision Retreat. In addition to the worksheets mentioned above, the candidate will need a Retreat Guide booklet. The booklet is especially important for a successful retreat. Consider how reliable the candidate is with such tasks. Can he or she be trusted to plan ahead and print what’s needed? To avoid glitches, and if you have access to a printer, you may decide to print these items and provide them in your meeting. It’s your call. By now you have a good idea of the candidate’s strengths and weaknesses. Bottom line, make sure the candidate has all the printed materials, including the worksheets, that they’ll need for facilitating their retreat and final election.

4 DAY DECISION RETREAT BOOK

Contains the daily meditation passages. Otherwise, it’s the same content as candidate’s

8 DAY DECISION RETREAT BOOK

Contains the daily meditation passages. Otherwise, it’s the same content as candidate’s

Meeting Agenda

1. Set a tone of prayerful trust. The candidate may feel apprehension as the Novena reaches its conclusion. Very few candidates, in my experience, approach the end with clarity or with any major revelations. They may be anxious about your reactions, or fear to disappoint you with a “wrong” answer for discernment. Go to the story of the Transfiguration mentioned above, begin by reading it together: Luke 9:28-36. Ask questions like, “What do you think the disciples understood at that time about what would happen to Jesus in his crucifixion?” “Do you think they understood what role they would play?” “Why do you think Jesus let them see his transfiguration on the mountain top?” Some of the insights we’re hoping to draw out is that God can lead us and reveal profound things to us even when we don’t quite “get it” yet. Sometimes he equips us with what we’ll need later without giving us clarity in our current circumstances. You don’t need to spell out these conclusions. Pay attention to what the Holy Spirit brings out of this discussion.

2. Questions about the various vocations? You may want to ask the candidate if they have questions about specific terms or practices related to priesthood and religious life. You may not know all the answers yourself, so it’s okay to admit what you don’t know. Offer resources or avenues to find out more if they have particular interest in some aspect of the various life-state vocations.

3. Is there anything from your journal you’d like to share? By now they should be comfortable with coming prepared to talk about any spiritual consolations or movements of the Spirit they’ve experienced.

4. Puzzle analogy. As a preview to the Decision Retreat, especially the Preparation Packet, you can offer the analogy of an unfinished puzzle – one that has an image but you don’t know yet what it is. The idea is even an incomplete puzzle offers clues; that you can guess at the image even if all the pieces are not in place. Similarly, the life-state vocation question may not be fully answered yet, but we can begin to see what is taking shape. This helps to take the pressure off any expectation that we’ll have a fully formed picture of the future based on the Novena or the Decision Retreat. We’re still just looking for the next right step and a good sense of the direction to pursue. A story might help. A young woman named Emilie who was discerning her future received this mental picture from the Lord during prayer (in her own words) I was sitting in a dark room and felt Jesus coming and sitting on a chair next to me. He said, ‘Remember, this may be unknown but I am not.’ 

5. Hand them the Decision Preparation worksheet (DP). Walk the candidate through the retreat preparation document (different from the Retreat Guide) and offer a basic explanation (see below). Encourage them to take some time to pray with it and then complete it before going on their retreat. The idea is that the retreat should confirm, clarify or question any conclusions they may have already started to reach over the course of the 99 Days and by means of this diagnostic. Ask them to bring the completed document with them, but also explain that you won’t be looking at it together until the latter half of the retreat.   

a. What’s in the DRP? The Decision Retreat Preparation is a process of self-reflection that seeks to answer three questions: 

i. Do I or do I not have a growing conviction that God is calling me to pursue a celibate life-state vocation? [inclined/disinclined diagnostic]

ii. What is my internal response to that yes-or-no conviction? [conflicted/unconflicted diagnostic]

iii. What is the reason for my response?

b. The rating system. After briefly reviewing significant periods of consolation in their prayer journal (step 1), the candidate is invited to rate, on a scale from 1 to 7, which way they’re leaning (step 2) and their interior reaction to that direction (step 3). Finally, they weigh that reaction (step 4) to identify the roots of their response. Each number on the ratings scale is given a description, to help clarify the candidate’s current thinking. It’s not a “final answer” but only a “first answer” along with an honest effort to understand the “why’s” behind it.

6. Discuss plans for the Decision Retreat. If the candidate hasn’t made a personal retreat before, they’re likely to have questions. They’ve probably never spent so much time in silence. Any prior experience on retreat was with a group, most likely, with talks, activities, small groups, etc. The prospect of days spent alone in prayer can be overwhelming. Likely they’re wondering, “Will I be bored?” and “Can I survive such a long time without my phone?” Reassure the candidate that this will be a graced experience. Encourage expectant faith and trust in God. “You cannot fail to be blessed, simply by taking the time to seek God.” 

  • What to expect. Explain that there’s a Retreat Guide - a booklet the candidate will receive at the start of the retreat (or, if you chose to pre-print it, you can give it to them here). This provides the basic material for the discernment. Go over the schedule of a day on retreat – wake up and participate (if applicable) in the prayers of the community where you’re making the retreat. After breakfast do the first meditation. Usually there are four daily meditations along with instructions on how to pray through them. Try to spend an hour on each. Don’t skip ahead. Take breaks as needed (walks can help, but avoid socializing with other retreat guests if possible). Use midafternoon for exercise (it’s good to give the brain a break). Similarly, take a nap if that helps with the post-lunch fatigue. Evenings in the chapel are especially good for going back over the insights gained during the day – a practice called “repetition.” 

  • About “Being” with God. As noted above, the candidate has probably never spent so much time in undistracted silence. Maybe he/she thinks that prayer is supposed to be filled with words. “What happens when I run out of good thoughts to think or things to say?” It’s helpful, therefore, to explain that prayer is also about simply placing oneself in the presence of God and “being” with Him. No words need to be spoken, and even though distractions will certainly come, this kind of wordless prayer is very worthwhile. The candidate can learn how to return her/his thoughts to God when they wander and simply allow a loving awareness to flow back and forth. Some days it may happen easily. Most days though, especially at first, it’s hard to tell if it’s happening at all. But prayer like this can be fruitful either way and it takes the pressure off of “filling up” the hours of meditations with lots of words or thoughts. Here’s a useful analogy: when friends become close, they don’t always have to be talking to enjoy each other’s company. There’s a comfortable space to simply be together and if something comes up, you can talk about it. But if nothing comes up, the silence isn’t awkward or uncomfortable. In fact, it’s very pleasant.  

  • When to meet? Work out a good time for a daily phone meeting, late afternoon around 4 pm is usually best because you can set them up for the next day (you give them their Meditation passages daily so they don’t skip ahead). Meeting at exactly the same time each day may not be possible, so find what works with your schedule. 

  • How to connect? Make sure the retreat location can be reached by phone. Some convents/monasteries are far off the beaten path and cell service may be spotty. 

  • Clarify approach to technology and phone. Come to an agreement for limiting all other cellphone use during the retreat. The idea is to create a place of silence, so texting/phoning family or friends should only be for an urgent need. Accessing internet should likewise be minimal. Paper is preferred for reflection materials and journaling to create a healthy distance from technology. 

  • What to pack. Go over what they should bring on retreat. Bible, “Retreat Guide” booklet, their completed DP document, a notebook or personal journal, along with anything needed for writing. Comfortable clothes, shoes for walking or exercise, toiletries, medications and any other personal items. Generally, they should try to “pack light.” Remind them to bring their retreat payment with them if they haven’t paid already.

  • Confirm arrival arrangements. Encourage candidate to contact the retreat house’s guest master to confirm when they’ll be arriving. Also have them request the name of the person who’ll be meeting them to show them their room, the chapel, and explain the meal schedule. Some candidates will be anxious and such specifics are very helpful. Other candidates, frankly, are unaware of the rhythms of religious life and may treat their arrival too carelessly – coming late or during prayers. It’s generally best to over-communicate in this regard. Assume your candidate knows nothing about such things.

  • Spiritual perspective. Help set the tone for going on retreat in a posture of listening to God. Some things to communicate: 

    • Prior to retreat. There may be trouble in your personal life. This often comes with times of seeking God. We shouldn’t be fearful, but it helps to be aware. The devil tries to disrupt and distract. Entrust any such troubles to the Lord and persevere with plans.  

    • During the retreat. Just be open. Don’t try to force anything. Do the meditations faithfully to the best of your ability. 

    • After the retreat. With the conclusion of the retreat as well as the Novena, it’s not uncommon to feel a bit lost. “What do I do now?” This will be discussed at the final meeting, but it helps to acknowledge here that such experiences are normal. Don’t worry. The skills developed in this Novena will serve well into the future.  

  • Reminder: don’t publicize your purpose. As mentioned elsewhere, remind the candidate not to let anybody know about the retreat unless it’s absolutely necessary. Point out that this is for their own peace of mind. Our aim is to reduce, as much as possible, the pressure to come up with a conclusive answer to the vocation question. If friends and family know about the retreat, they will naturally want to know the outcome. That can be revealed later, but keeping quiet about the purpose of this time away allows space for reaching a decision without unnecessary external expectations.

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