Day 16. There Will Be a Test
I can’t do this, Sam. It’s just too much for me.
Frodo Baggins,
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, New Line Cinema, 2002
We’re one week into the novena. As we review what we’ve covered, we can begin to get a picture of the structure we’ve been describing. It appears to be a kind of a table. Here are some of the observations we have made about this table:
Most people stay on the surface, the tabletop, and never question what’s down below.
Everything in your life appears on the tabletop as you see it – not necessarily as it truly is.
The table is very unstable. It often tips and shakes. Intuitively you know that to fall from the table would be fatal.
The table rests on only three legs. They are your Sense of Self, your Source of Love and your Hope of Happiness.
When the ground on which one of these legs shifts, we look for security by running to a spot on the tabletop over one of the other pillars or legs.
If we find someone else occupying that place, we have an emotional reaction against them. These emotional reactions give us clues as to where we ground our pillars.
I hope that the Lord has blessed you this week with personal insights based on the analogy we’ve been using. Still if you are struggling to connect the image of this table with your own life, don’t be discouraged. Personally, I have a very hard time using a study guide like this one. It often happens that when I sit down to do the reading and to reflect on my life, my mind goes blank. Or I suddenly think of a bunch of important things I need to do today. Either way, I feel like I’m wasting my time. I’m also nervous that when I meet with my discernment advisor, I’ll have nothing worthwhile to say. Isn’t it tempting to give up? Isn’t it easy to say that, after all, it just isn’t the right time for all this?
Don’t be fooled by this line of thinking. Self-knowledge is a journey that takes much longer than 90 days. It’s as if we’re blazing a trail through a jungle of distractions or struggling across a dry desert of boredom. For many, the effort is too great. As I said earlier, it’s not an adventure for the faint of heart.
It may be helpful to remember that these reflections only offer you tools for thinking about your life. Just try to get familiar with the basic ideas – even if they aren’t immediately usable. If someone gave you a hammer as a gift, would you throw it away because you didn’t have anything at the moment that needed hammering? No, you’d store it in your tool chest and save if for the day you needed it. What about if you were given a violin? Would you get rid of it because you couldn’t play it? No, you’d keep it until you could learn how to play it. So if you feel like you’re not really able to see your own life in the allegory of the three-legged table, don’t give up. Just keep moving along and be open to whatever God might show you.
God will speak to you during this process, but I find that He communicates with me at very unexpected times. Pray to be attentive to these moments of grace: while you’re in the shower, when you’re walking somewhere, or before you fall asleep. Keep a notepad or your journal handy enough so that you can write down the insights that you get about your life.
One final observation: I have known of very few people who have gone through a period of discernment without significant temptations to abandon the process. I already mentioned the number one discernment-stopper. That is the “unexpected relationship” that will almost certainly present itself. However, there are many others: job offers that require a relocation, graduate school that suddenly demands intensive study, family crises, friends in tragic need. I would not presume to say that you should not abandon your discernment for any of these. Some are certainly grounds for suspending or ending the process – especially urgent family duties. I only caution you and urge that you should communicate with your discernment advisor as such difficulties and challenges arise.
Be aware that there is a very real testing that goes with discernment. I used to think it was just the devil trying to interfere. Lately I’ve come to suspect that God permits it to see how serious we are about seeking His will. I’m reminded that Jesus, before he set off on his public mission, was led out into the desert by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by the devil (Mt. 4:1-11). The master-demon offers short-cuts for the Son of man to accomplish his difficult mission in a more painless way. Jesus sticks to the plan revealed to him by the Father, and we will do well if we do the same.
Pay attention to the temptations that come along during this novena. What tempts you to give up on your resolution to seek God’s will? I think such trials offer us the very windows for self-knowledge that we’ve been looking for. Satan will test us where we place the weight of our pillars; where we are most attached to our own ideas and least willing to yield to God. So put your trust in the Father, and don’t be surprised if you experience some turbulence in weeks to come.
My son, when you come to serve the LORD,
prepare yourself for trials.
Be sincere of heart and steadfast,
undisturbed in time of adversity.
Cling to him, forsake him not;
thus will your future be great.
Accept whatever befalls you,
in crushing misfortune be patient;
For in fire gold is tested,
and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation
(Sirach 2:1-5 NAB).
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Pier Giorgio responds: The faith given to me in Baptism surely suggests to me that of yourself you will do nothing; but if you have God as the center of all your actions, then you will reach the goal.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, teach me true poverty of spirit. Help me understand that God cares for me; and that He asks me, in return, to care for others, especially those in need. Guide me to make choices in my life which will show a preference for service of God and neighbor, rather than accumulating financial wealth and social advantage for myself. Give me a special love for the poor and the sick.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is the Lover of the poor, all the grace necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (in your own words, ask for the Lord to grant peace, clarity and loving guidance in your discernment journey)
A Book of Prayers in honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
EXAMINE MY HEART
1. We interrupt this Novena…
What’s my track record with finishing things? For most of us it’s only so-so. We may have piles of books we’ve started but never finished, and projects that never seem to reach completion. Considering my own patterns of finishing what I start, how do I usually do? How’s my follow-through? Do I complete what I begin?
How many books have I started and never finished?
How many classes have I dropped after only a few sessions?
How many times have I changed my major?
How often do I change jobs?
2. Never say die.
We can’t help running out of steam from time to time – and there are some very good reasons for quitting (the book I stopped reading may be badly written, the class I’m dropping may not be compatible with my major, etc.) The danger of quitting, though, is that it can become habit forming. When something is especially difficult, it’s really tempting to throw in the towel. So, when the going gets tough, why not quit?
Using my imagination I picture myself talking to a close friend who wants to drop out of a tough commitment. Give seven reasons why hanging in there in a tough situation or project is a good idea. What might he/she/you gain by going the distance?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
3. That unexpected relationship: God’s work or something else?
Go back to the situation above: the friend who wants to pull out of a tough commitment early. Imagine that he or she is discerning a vocation and just met someone. Unexpectedly they both find they have feelings for each other. How would I respond if this friend asks: “Why would God put this person in my life if He didn’t want us to pursue a relationship?”
BREAK OPEN YOUR BIBLE
4. Planning ahead.
Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say, “This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish.”
Luke 14:28
According to this teaching of Jesus,
What is the necessary requirement for successfully finishing a major project?
What happens to someone who starts a project and doesn’t finish it?
How do you think these principles might apply to somebody who is discerning a vocation?
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”
[0] lead quote - Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, New Line Cinema, 2002
All Scripture quotes from the New American Bible, unless otherwise specified