Day 57. Better Than Marriage
As a way of showing forth the Church's holiness, it is to be recognized that the consecrated life, which mirrors Christ's own way of life, has an objective superiority.
St. John Paul II
Jews in the time of Jesus did not need to be convinced of the goodness of marriage. Lacking a definite understanding of the afterlife, a Jew believed that he/she lived on in future generations of sons and daughters. To freely renounce marriage for any reason would have been a shocking idea. Jesus acknowledges this when he gives his teaching on celibacy: “Not all can accept this word, but only those to whom that is granted” (Mt. 19:11). The conversation that leads Jesus to make this statement is centered on the issue of marriage and divorce. Astounded that Jesus has forbidden divorce (v. 9), the disciples express their outrage. “…It is better not to marry!” they exclaim.
After the warning above, Jesus responds, “Some are incapable of marriage because they are born so; some because they were made so by others; some because they have renounced marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (v. 12). What part of this statement is so hard to accept? The first two situations would be familiar to the disciples. Natural barriers to marital union (“born so”) or man-made barriers (“made so by others”) were as common then as they are today. “Renounced for the sake of the Kingdom.” It is this final situation that Jesus describes as difficult to accept.
I have often found this to be true. It is difficult for people to accept that some are called to set aside marriage for the sake of the kingdom of God. “What a waste” is a common reaction when a particularly attractive or gifted person chooses celibacy. To those without the grace to understand, celibacy is simply nonsense. Even more absurd is the notion that celibacy is a higher call.
In an effort to level the playing field, some say that all vocations are created equal. There’s truth to this. Stated more clearly, all persons are created equal, and all are called by God to be holy. Further, the particular way God opens up for each of us to ascend the mountain of holiness will differ according to our unique personality and situation in life. This is called the subjective superiority of your personal call. Your vocation is the proper route you will travel up the mountain – and whatever route God has designated for you is the “high” road for you. No other way will lead you more surely to Jesus’ promise of abundant life, life to the full. Thus if you are called to marriage and you choose priesthood, you will likely have a harder time going up the mountain. The opposite is also true.
Still, among the routes one may take, there is a hierarchy. And so it must be said that all vocations are not created equal. Here we speak of objective superiority.
Is it arrogant or elitist to say that celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom is a higher call than marriage? There are at least three aspects of this call that elevate it above the natural call of marriage. The sacrifice, the goal, and the Person to whom one gives oneself.
The Sacrifice: Sacrifice is costly. The greater the cost, the greater the sacrifice. What greater sacrifice can there be than to freely give up the excellent gift of marriage? It is no insult to the married vocation to say that renouncing it and offering it to God as a gift is among the most costly sacrifices of all. The celibate person prizes marriage very highly, but freely surrenders this treasure to God for God.
The Goal: Celibacy is a sign of heaven. It “manifests to all believers the presence of heavenly goods already possessed here below” [1]. Only in heaven will everyone live out a particular and exclusive relationship with Jesus Christ. The celibate person responds to the invitation to live in this life what everybody will live in the life to come. This is what is meant by celibacy “for the sake of the Kingdom of God.”
The Person to whom one gives oneself: The primary purpose of celibacy is not to make the consecrated person more available for work. The celibate person gives himself or herself as completely and exclusively and permanently as the married person. The difference is the One to whom my gift is given. In marriage, my self-gift is offered to one who is my equal. In celibacy, my self-gift is to One who is far greater. Therefore the gift is higher.
“Whoever can accept this ought to accept it.” Jesus ends his remarks about celibacy with this injunction. It is a challenge not often heard today. Sacrificing marriage for the sake of the Kingdom of God is usually presented as one option among many. Yet Jesus clearly presents it as the priority for all who are capable. Are you capable? Such is the central question of this Novena.
“Lord, am I called to this awesome sacrifice? Are you asking me to freely set aside the beauty and wonder of marriage for something, no, Someone higher? I want to be completely available to your will in this, Lord. Purify my thoughts, direct my desires, make evident to me my motives. Increase my faith and my generosity as I continue this discernment journey. May it lead me to the very highest paths of holiness and freedom. Amen.”
One final thought. If anyone is tempted to think that a higher call from God implies a higher, “more holy” personal status, the opposite is more likely the case. The consistent pattern of God’s special calling is that it is offered to the weakest and the lowliest not to the best and the brightest. Why? To make it clear that the gift and the call are from God. “He raises the needy from the dust, from the ash heap he lift up the poor, to seat them with nobles and make a glorious throne their heritage” (1 Sm. 2:8).
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
Pier Giorgio responds: St. Paul says that “the charity of Christ urges us.” Without this flame, which should burn out our personality little by little and blaze only for other people’s griefs, we would not be Christian, let alone Catholic.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, teach me by your example of mercy to open my heart more widely to those in need, especially the poor and the sick. Guide me in extending that mercy both to friends and strangers, to those who love me and those who do not. Help me to reflect God’s own mercy, especially in words and deeds of forgiveness.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is gracious and merciful and just, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (in your own words, ask for the Lord to grant you grace in the struggle for purity of mind and body – especially in the area of chastity)
A Book of Prayers in Honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
MY FAITH BUILDERS
1. You be the Judge
What’s the greater sacrifice, to keep something good even if it’s costly or to give it up for a worthy cause? You decide.
A girl gives half her Halloween candy to her younger sister who was sick and couldn’t go out Trick or Treating. Her brother keeps and eats all of his candy. He gets a stomach ache and misses school. Whose sacrifice is greater? Why?
The prom is only two weeks away. One young woman shaves her head to express her solidarity with a friend who lost all her hair from cancer treatments. Because of this, none of the boys ask her out. Another girl who is also a friend of the cancer patient does not shave her head and is asked out to the prom. Keep in mind that staying home costs the first girl nothing while the second girl pays over $500 for her dress and a makeover. Whose sacrifice is greater?
Two brothers care for their elderly mother who is a widow and suffers from Alzheimer’s. One brother stays home with the mother and therefore is unable to go to law school. The other brother, however, attends law school and works long hours to become a lawyer. He becomes a partner in a respected law firm. All of this takes an extraordinary amount of effort. Which brother has sacrificed more? The one who sat at home or the one who worked so hard to achieve his dreams? Why?
Two sisters pursue different vocations. One becomes a nun and gives up marriage so that she can spend her days praying in a convent. The other marries and has five children. The second sister rarely has a full night’s sleep because of the kids, while the first sister lives a peaceful, contemplative life. Whose sacrifice is greater?
Question: Did you evaluate the final case differently from the others? If so, why?
Opportunity Costs. Each of the four cases above follows a similar pattern. The first person gives up some opportunity or benefit for the sake of someone else. The second person enjoys the opportunity – which they are fully within their rights to enjoy – and yet incurs certain costs that impact their quality of life. If we refer to these as Opportunity Costs, are they the measure of the person’s sacrifice? If not, what is?
A QUOTE TO NOTE
2. Why Bother?
If someone claims that the sacrificial life of the celibate priest, sister or brother is on the same level as the sacrificial lives of married people, how might this claim be unfair to those who embrace the sacrifices of celibate life? How might such a claim diminish the sign-value of celibacy for the sake of Christ? Read the following words from a religious brother and respond…
Brother Anthony Weber, OCSO c. 1999:
The answer to the question, “Is there an objective superiority to the consecrated life?” is “Yes, there is, according to the teaching of the Church.” And this is so, not so much because I am in that state of life, but rather I am in that state because of its superiority. Otherwise, why bother? Why give up all the good things we’ve given up, and all the possibilities we’ve given up just to remain as we were before? It’s not worth it. But if I behold what I can see for myself as a pearl of great price I’m going to sell everything I’ve got and purchase that pearl.
My response:
What do I think Brother Anthony is referring to when he speaks of the “pearl of great price?” Why?
WORLD VIEWS
3. Leveling the Playing Field
In our modern culture, we are uncomfortable giving special status or recognition to one vocation over another. Do I agree? If so, why do I think this is so?
How would I apply the following statement to a celibate vocation and a married vocation?
“To honor one does not dishonor the other.”
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”
[0] lead quote - St. John Paul II, Vita Consecrata, On the Consecrated Life, #32, Apostolic Exhortation, 1996
[1] Lumen Gentium, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, #44, Second Vatican Council, 1964
All Scripture quotes from the New American Bible, unless otherwise specified