Day 10. On the Surface
I’m not the one who is confused. You do not even know who you are.
Rafiki, The Lion King
Imagine that you are standing on a large, flat, square surface made of stone. This surface, or platform, seems to be suspended far above a vast plane that extends to the horizon on all sides. Everywhere beyond the level surface on which you stand is darkness, yet within the boundaries of the platform there is a warm, diffused light. The plane beneath you is shrouded in what appear to be clouds of smoke. Actually, the billowing plumes are desert sands being whipped back and forth by a ceaseless, restless gale. It’s a very uninviting place down below. You like the place where you stand, though. It’s comfortable, familiar, “homey.” Whatever discomforts you find here seem trivial compared to the forbidding tempest that swirls beneath you and all around.
What is this surface? It is your life. At least, it’s the surface of your life. You are about to embark on a journey of discovery. We’re at the first stage of discernment: seeking self-knowledge. The logic here is simple. Vocation is about giving yourself. And you can’t give a gift if you don’t know the contents. You can’t give yourself to another person – either human or divine – if you don’t know who you are. “But that’s where you’re wrong,” you might object, “I do know who I am. In fact, I know me very well. I’ve spent my whole life with myself, so if I don’t know me, who does?” Good point. But I want to offer you this: what you know about your life may only be this surface which I have described. You’ve got nothing to lose by exploring further and finding out.
In the coming weeks, you’re going to become very aware of this surface. Yes, you see it every day, but starting today I hope that you will see it in an entirely different light, with expanded vision. Most people spend their entire lives on the surface. They never explore beyond its boundaries. Their eyes never gaze upward to the sky nor downward to the ground, but only at what presents itself to them on this limited surface.
To offer you a preview of the exploration ahead, we will be considering five elements of the inner self:
Sense of Self
Source of Love
Hope of Happiness
Habits of Sin
History of Hurts
The first three ground us from below – the bulk of the semester will deal with these. The last two trip us up at the surface level or loom over us from above. The final week will focus on these – in preparation for confession at the end of this semester. You will gain understanding and clarity as we go. For now, just open your heart and your mind to whatever God may reveal. Be not afraid. “The truth will set you free.” (Jn. 8:31)
Paschal famously observed that, “the sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.” Ignorance is bliss, they say, but not in the realm of self-knowledge. On the contrary, ignorance is very costly. Ignorance costs you happiness, stability and peace. Ignorance leaves you vulnerable to dangers and deceptions. Ignorance, in the end, will cost you the people you love the most.
Why then do so many people seem to prefer living on the surface to exploring the inner self? I can say for myself that the reason is simple: I am afraid – afraid of what I might find. Maybe I’ll discover something dreadful. Like what? Like, that I’m not so clever, or wise, or funny as I like to believe – that I’m something less than what I pretend to be. At the core of it, I’m afraid to find out that I’m really a worthless being. Or that I’m unlovable. Seems crazy, doesn’t it? Maybe you don’t struggle with such fears. I do. That’s why God took me very slowly along the paths of inner knowledge and healing that I now offer to you.
Are you afraid to explore beyond the surface? No? Good, then we can make progress quickly. But if you are afraid (and honestly, if you are I don’t blame you!) then take this time to say a prayer. Ask God for light and truth and above all, courage. And when you have finished your prayer, we will begin.
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Pier Giorgio responds: The faith given to me in Baptism surely suggests to me that of yourself you will do nothing; but if you have God as the center of all your actions, then you will reach the goal.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, teach me true poverty of spirit. Help me understand that God cares for me; and that He asks me, in return, to care for others, especially those in need. Guide me to make choices in my life which will show a preference for service of God and neighbor, rather than accumulating financial wealth and social advantage for myself. Give me a special love for the poor and the sick.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is the Lover of the poor, all the grace necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (in your own words, ask for the Lord to grant peace, clarity and loving guidance in your discernment journey)
A Book of Prayers in honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
GOING DEEP
Testing my depth-perception
Am I a surface dweller, or do I like to dig deep in understanding life?
A. I’m starting out on a long car ride by my self when I realize that I won’t be able to listen to music (sound system glitch, etc.) For me this is:
1. An emergency
2. A major annoyance
3. An opportunity for silence and letting my thoughts wander.
B. When my heart is troubled by something and I don’t really know what it is, I...
1. ...go to a movie, or go shopping to get my mind off of it.
2. ...talk to a friend and tell them how depressed I feel
3. ...take a long walk and think about it, or pray about it.
C. Movies that make me think about death and human suffering...
1. I avoid them, because they depress me.
2. I’ll watch occasionally, but I really don’t like to.
3. Stir something in me deeply – they help me face the confusing sides of life.
D. When a friend confronts me and tells me something about myself that I don’t want to hear...
1. I avoid them from that point on. They are no longer my friend.
2. I forgive them when I think about all the faults they have.
3. I try to put aside any negative reactions to what they said and search my heart to see if there is truth to their statements. If there is, I try to change.
E. When I’m in a conversation with a friend, and they start talking about something that bores me,…
1. I change the subject to something more interesting.
2. I politely appear to be interested and I do try to listen, but my mind wanders.
3. I try to see it from their point of view. I make an effort to understand what makes the subject interesting to them.
F. My favorite preachers are the ones who...
1. ...keep my interest and make me feel better about myself and about life.
2. ...speak clearly and with conviction.
3. ...give me the straight truth.
G. My idea of a good party is...
1. ...when there’s plenty of beer flowing and we get kind of crazy.
2. ...when I meet somebody who’s attractive and funny.
3. ...when I have some good, deep conversations with people and we also laugh a lot.
H. When I go to an historical landmark or a cultural museum, I am usually...
1. ...bored by most of what I see, and looking forward to lunch.
2. ...watching the other people there: what they’re wearing, how they act, how badly their kids behave.
3. ...trying to learn something about people from other times and places and about the ways they experienced life.
I. My favorite music is the kind that makes me...
1. ...dance around and feel good.
2. ...think about falling in love.
3. ...get quiet inside and just listen.
J. There are certain kinds of worship music I like to hear at church, but there are other kinds that I really don’t like. When they play music that I don’t like...
1. I get bored and think about what I’m going to do later that day.
2. I find it impossible to get much out of worship. I just endure it.
3. I try not to think about the style of music or how well it is played. Instead I focus on the words I’m singing and try to put my heart into them.
A QUOTE TO NOTE
2. Self-Knowledge Isn’t Easy.
Theologian Dietrich Von Hildebrand explains the necessity and difficulty of self-knowledge for transformation in Christ.
True self-knowledge is an [inescapable] necessity for him who desires to be transformed in Christ. He must be filled with a real thirst for securing…an accurate notion of himself such as he is; he must endeavor to get rid of all illusions of complacency, and to detect his particular vices and weaknesses. He must conform to the summons of St. Catherine of Sienna, “Let us enter into the cell of our self-knowledge.” But he must not believe that self-knowledge is easy of attainment, nor that – once he forms the desire for self-knowledge – all his defects will reveal themselves to him in due course. With a healthy distrust of himself he should continue supposing that he is still entangled in a mesh of illusions, and pray: “Cleanse me of my hidden weaknesses” [1].
Healthy Distrust of Self? Do I understand what Von Hildebrand means by this phrase? Below I put it in my own words and answer the question: what’s healthy about distrusting myself?
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”
What’s my depth-rating? Adding up my responses according to the adjacent number, I see how I compare with the numbers below.
10 to 17 a forest pool
18 to 24 a babbling brook
25 to 30 a deep, broad river
31 to 37 a sheltering harbor
38 to 45 a mystical ocean
Note: Doing the math it’s clear that according to this test I can’t rate high enough to be a sheltering harbor or a mystical ocean. That’s because the journey into self-knowledge is a very deep one. At this stage of the game we’re just scratching the surface.
[0] lead quote - The Lion King, Disney Animated Motion Picture 1994
[1] Transformation in Christ, Dietrich Von Hildebrand, Manchester, NH, Sophia Press, 1990, p. 51
