Day 64. Trust. It’s All In the Timing

Part 3: A Temple

Aug 8

**Rapunzel:** *I have made the decision to trust you.*
**Flynn Rider:** *A horrible decision really.*
*Tangled*

An Israelite made one or maybe two pilgrimages to the temple in Jerusalem yearly for holy seasons – especially for Passover. If they were members of the tribe of Levi, they lived in closer proximity to the temple and their access was much more frequent. Since their service was focused on worship, their heritage was not land but the Lord himself. They were in the temple precincts daily and received for their livelihood a portion from the people’s offerings. From among the Levites, only the descendants of Aaron, Moses’ brother, could serve as priests: hearing the sins of the people, assigning sacrifices, and offering those sacrifices on the Altar of Holocausts. The priests alone could enter the temple hall, the hekal, at the morning and evening hour to make an incense offering before the Lord. As already noted, only the High Priest was permitted the singular and solemn duty of a yearly audience with Yahweh.

We see in these varying degrees of access the importance of time and season. The closer one came to the Lord, the more carefully designated was the time of access. In general the greater the access, the more time one would spend in the Lord’s presence. And not just time, but privileged time, that is, time for the purpose of worship. For example, we read that even lay men and women (Simeon and Anna from Lk 2:25-38) could spend all their time in the courtyard of the temple, but by contrast only Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, was able to encounter the angel within the temple hall when he entered to offer the daily incense (Lk 1:5-25).

How can we apply these observations to the Temple of our Relationships? These patterns of access direct our attention to the importance of timing and trust.

Some Christians are surprised to learn that the call to love all people does not necessarily require that we should trust all people. It is true: unconditional love does not equal unconditional trust. Even Jesus, who loved perfectly, did not trust all those who followed him. “…Many began to believe in his name when they saw the signs he was doing. But Jesus would not trust himself to them because he knew them all, and did not need anyone to testify about human nature. He himself understood it well” (Jn 2:23-25).

In setting boundaries and choosing friends, we are encouraged by scripture to be cautious and discerning. We should identify faithfulness in the same way that God does, “The person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest in great ones” (Lk 16:10). Therefore, a certain testing is called for. Confide a little personal information, see how the friend handles it. If they prove themselves faithful, confide a little more.

We note with interest the freestanding, twin, brass pillars that stood as guardians to the right and to the left of the temple entrance. They had names: Jakin and Boaz. If these two, identical columns didn’t support anything what was their function? What do they, pardon the pun, stand for?

In our Temple of Relationships, I offer these names for the twin pillars: Word and Deed. The columns are sentinels watching those who approach; discerning their sincerity and intent. When a priest or pilgrim approached the temple, the truthfulness of his words and deeds were the keys to admission. “Lord, who may abide in your tabernacle? Who may dwell on your holy mountain? Whoever walks without blame, doing what is right, speaking truth from the heart” (Ps 15:1,2).

As friends approach the interior of our temple, their talk must match their walk; what they say with their voices; they must confirm by their choices. Based on the consistency of Word and Deed, we may assign them trust and grant them access.

Time is key to this discernment. Prolonged exposure in a relationship begins to reveal the integrity of a person. Only time gives us a reliable read on the authenticity of a particular friend as he approaches. Not only time with the person in question, but time apart from him or her. When we are together, we gather information and make observations. When we spend time apart we reflect, gain insight and draw conclusions. Both aspects of timing are important.

In dating especially, this rhythm of time together and time apart is often discarded. The couple spends hours together, and once they part, they talk to each other for hours again on their cell phones. The result is an inability to see the forest because of all the trees. Spending too much time together, the partners are unable to reflect and gain insight. The couple that fuses, loses.

We must acknowledge in this the difficulties we face in waiting. Our hunger for intimacy makes us vulnerable to rush relationships and hurry intimacy. This is due to our inability to receive a satisfying love directly from the Lord. Our hunger for companionship and affection makes us over-eager. We push people along before we’ve had adequate time to get to know them. It is very possible, as we have already noted, to hold on to another person so tightly that we strangle the very love we had hoped to possess.

There is an important characteristic that we are looking for in anyone who approaches the interior of our temple: reverence. I should find in them a respect for the boundaries I set and a willingness to wait patiently as I permit (or bar) them greater access and intimacy. They should not pry needlessly, nor explore with excessive curiosity. They may not “take charge,” nor force me to compromise my primary allegiance to God. They may probe and investigate me, but when places in myself are withheld as secret, they should not trespass.

Reverence does not mean that a friend or lover agree with everything we say and do! It doesn’t mean that they are willfully blind to our failings. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, I am most pleased to find a friend who has no problem pointing me out when I’m behaving like a jerk. Yet the way a friend does this will be…reverent. Not mocking me as an enemy would, but laughing at my foolishness as if to say, “this is not really you!” One such good rebuke from a friend is worth a thousand criticisms from anyone else (Prv 9:8,9).

So reverence means that those who are closest to me see me as worthy of respect and consideration. They guard what is entrusted to them. They refrain from using me. And if they wound me carelessly, reverence is expressed in that they are repentant and willing to make amends.

The pillars of Word and Deed are round – they face inward as well as outward. All that we seek in others we must also expect of ourselves. In fact, if you’re ready to throw in the towel at this point and say, “I’m sorry, but there is no one out there who acts the way you describe!” I have this to offer: become the one you seek. If you are respectful of others, if you are honest in word and deed, and if you are considerate, then gradually you will begin to find people like yourself. Like attracts like. Birds of a feather and all that. So don’t lose heart. We must give relationships time and learn to express reverence for others. Not a stiff or self-conscious reverence, but with a genuine affection that is born of the conviction that you, like me, are made to be a temple of the Holy Spirit.

**Novena Prayer**

**Jesus says:** “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
**Pier Giorgio responds:** I beg you to pray for me a little, so that God may give me an iron will that does not bend and does not fail in His projects.
**Let us Pray:** Blessed Pier Giorgio, lead me in the path of purity, for only those who are clean of heart can behold God’s face. Help me to be faithful to the covenant I have made with God in Baptism, that I may always be loyal to His command and thus offer Him sincere worship. Show me by your life how to be single hearted and completely, unswervingly, dedicated to proclaiming the Kingdom of God here on earth.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is pure love and holiness, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (for the grace to see others as jewels and not as tools – to serve them and love them with the heart of Christ.)
*A Book of Prayers in Honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter*

Make it My Own

Daily Discernment Workbook

EXAMINE MY HEART

1. Upright Interest or Downright Curiosity?

I build trust when I understand that I am a guest in other peoples' Temples of Relationships – when I approach them with respect and observe the boundaries they set. I destroy trust when I press too hard to know too much. Idle curiosity tears down friendship while genuine interest and concern build it up. The trick is trying to tell the difference.

In curiosity I'm more interested in the information than in the person. I want to be “in the know” and so I'm using others to obtain the data I desire. The person is the means and the information is the end. Not a good formula for friendship. In genuine interest the end I seek is the welfare of the person while the information is the means. I'm asking about the information because I really care about that person. Still confused? Let's be blunt. Being nosy, prying, pushing or spying is downright curiosity (or worse!), but showing concern, seeking to affirm, and asking to be instructed is upright interest.

Below is a series of questions. What category would I place each question under?

A. “Where were you this weekend? I left, like, a hundred messages for you. I was so bored!”