Day 65. The Image Emerges
The ancient ruins shall be rebuilt for your sake, and the foundations from ages past you shall raise up; “Repairer of the breach,” they shall call you, “Restorer of ruined homesteads.
Isaiah 58:12
What we have observed so far about intimacy – about the different stages of self-revelation and trust – I will apply more directly now, by way of analogy, to the temple floor plan. The temple is our guide, then, for configuring the body of our own relationships. This, as I have said, is entirely my own conception. Use what you find helpful.
Click to enlarge
As a relationship moves from neighbor to familiar friend; from familiar friend to faithful friend, and finally, in the case of your vocation, from faithful friend to the One, we move through increasingly exclusive courts, gates and halls.
For the purpose of description, I’ll designate the general areas and passageways, the courts and the gates. Beginning with those who live outside the temple of our relationships we find the Place of Strangers – those whom we have not met yet. Within the first large courtyard area, we have the Courts of Acquaintances where we find our neighbors. Access to the Courts of Acquaintance is characterized by a spirit of hospitality – we should bar only those who are destructively hostile or completely indifferent.
The open porch and gate called “the Beautiful” in the original temple is, in this analogy, the Gate of Giving leading into the area immediately surrounding the temple proper. This area I call the Courts of Friendship. Giving is an initial sign of friendship. As I mentioned earlier, gifts express acceptance and affirmation of our person and of the goodness of our relationship. Therefore, thoughtful and mutual giving is one criteria (though there can be others) for access at this stage of growing communion.
As we have already observed, preference has a place in the Courts of Friendship. You may certainly select friends whom you like! Still, be open to friendships that are challenging and even awkward. Jesus made it a point to remind his disciples that the poor and the lowly were to be given special access and love. “When you hold a banquet, do not invite the rich who will repay you…” (Lk 14:12, 13). Therefore, we should count among our friends those who do not have much to give – aware that the small gift of the poor is worth more than the great gifts of the wealthy (Mk 12:41-44).
For myself I can say that I have been richly blessed by sharing friendship with social “outsiders.” I have known personally what it is to be excluded, and I don’t wish to pass along the disfavor. For me these “outsider” friends have been, among other things, more open and honest than my more popular friends. I find them more grateful, more diverse, more loyal and, when they open up, more interesting.
Within the Courts of Friendship we see the place of Familiar Friends. From these we select those who may approach the temple itself. I am struck by the way, at critical points in the temple, we find the placement of porches. I offer that these represent those places of transition where the testing we have spoken of can take place. At these points we discern how deeply we will permit a person’s entry into our temple. Thus, I call the porch at the opening of the temple Testing for Truthfulness.
Here, we assess the honesty and integrity of our friends by taking measure of the consistency of Word and Deed – using the pillars thus named as sentinels of sincerity. Entrusting to them small things at first, we measure a friend’s dependability. We should not expect perfection here. All of us fail in many respects. Too high a standard will leave our temple empty and our lives lonely. Too low a standard, and we might as well install a revolving door on the holy of holies. Invite the Holy Spirit to inform you in making these judgments.
Those who prove true are granted access to the Hall of Commitment. These are the prized few, stable relationships in our life. The ones we can count on – the Faithful Friends of Sirach’s wisdom. These must be trustworthy because they stand within easy access of the Veil of Consummation, yet must never trespass.
Before the veil stands the altar we have already studied in depth – the Altar that is “I.” Note that “I” am not inside the Veil of Consummation! Many live at the center of their own lives and order all relationships to meet their own preferences and desires. These people are properly called self-centered.
Only God may occupy the privileged place within the veil, the throne called the “Mercy seat.” When he holds his rightful place in the heart of our temple, there is stability in peace.
There is one final consideration for our temple floor plan: What to do with those who violate our sanctuary break faith or betray our trust? There is no greater anguish than the betrayal of an intimate friend. “If an enemy had reviled me, that I could bear;…But it was you, my other self, my comrade and friend. You, whose company I enjoyed at whose side I walked…in the house of God” (Ps. 55:13-15).
Forgiveness is the first order of business – leaving to God the judgment of their guilt. Still there are consequences for such betrayal. Their place in the temple will have to change. The distance of their removal will depend on the severity of the betrayal and the sincerity of their regret. Regardless, we cannot assign the same level of access and trust they had before. Such trust will need to be regained, which will take, again, time.
This is a difficult reality to accept for some. It sounds so…unchristian. But even Jesus acknowledged that some must be expelled if they refuse to change their destructive ways. “Treat him,” Jesus counseled, “as you would a Gentile or a tax collector” (Mt. 18:15-17).
So in the most extreme cases, after every effort has been made at reconciliation, we must expel from our temple the one who offends or trespasses knowingly and willfully. In this it is helpful to seek advice. To send a person out to the Place of Strangers is drastic, but in certain circumstances is necessary for our own well-being and even survival.
Not all whom we expel are enemies, though. There may come a time when a very close friend must be sent outside the gates. And it may mean that the friendship cannot be renewed. Ever.
In Solomon’s temple, the punishment for trespassing within the Holy of Holies was death. When we form close friendships with the opposite sex, those friends can unexpectedly become lovers. If this is not our spouse, such strong bonds must be severed by strong and decisive action. No half measures will do. You may have to put to death a certain relationship – even an otherwise healthy one – if you should find that person taking an unauthorized place in the debir of your temple. We’ll take a closer look at this tomorrow.
Novena Prayer
Jesus says: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
Pier Giorgio responds: I beg you to pray for me a little, so that God may give me an iron will that does not bend and does not fail in His projects.
Let us Pray: Blessed Pier Giorgio, lead me in the path of purity, for only those who are clean of heart can behold God’s face. Help me to be faithful to the covenant I have made with God in Baptism, that I may always be loyal to His command and thus offer Him sincere worship. Show me by your life how to be single hearted and completely, unswervingly, dedicated to proclaiming the Kingdom of God here on earth.
Blessed Pier Giorgio, I ask for your intercession in obtaining from God, Who is pure love and holiness, all the graces necessary for my spiritual and temporal welfare. I confidently turn to you for help in my present need: (for the grace to see others as jewels and not as tools – to serve them and love them with the heart of Christ.)
A Book of Prayers in Honor of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, by Rev. Timothy E. Deeter
Make it My Own
Daily Discernment Workbook
“Who Goes Where?” Printable Worksheets
BREAK OPEN YOUR BIBLE
I might feel wrong about removing someone from my Temple of Relationships. It seems so unChristian. The Bible says otherwise. Some people destroy the possibility of intimacy by their carelessness or cruelty. The leading destroyer is betrayal. Read the following passage prayerfully.
He who betrays a secret cannot be trusted, he will never find an intimate friend... A wound can be bound up, and an insult forgiven, but he who betrays secrets does hopeless damage.
Sirach 27:16,21
Why does dishonesty and disloyalty destroy intimacy?
Re-read this passage in light of Judas’ betrayal of the Lord. How does this deepen my understanding of what is meant by “hopeless damage”?
GOING DEEP
2. Alone with the Lord
As I conclude today’s exercise, I take a moment to taste the sweetness of the Lord’s intimate love. I picture my heart entering within the veil to be with my beloved Lord. I turn away from the many concerns of my other relationships and place myself in the quiet, comfortable companionship of Jesus. There is no need to speak. There is no shame, no anxiety, no pressure to perform. I am loved here. I stay with the Lord in my inner sanctuary for as long as I desire.
Conclude with
“Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be.
World without end, Amen.”